Alex Edelman

Breaking News! The official trailer for #ThePaper is here. The show airs Sep. 4 on ⁦@peacock⁩ and obviously my character is a genius.

@Emmanue58800791 If you can send me the part of the Iliad it’s from I will Venmo you $400. Please include the citation and where to send the money.

@AlexEdelman Thats from the Iliad FFS

Sneaking into The Odyssey with 28 of my friends by cramming into a giant wooden horse and leaving it outside an IMAX with a note saying it’s a gift.

One of America’s funniest people not kidding

I’ve discovered a handful of new favorite things. Now they’re your favorite things. Enjoy!

@ditzkoff This is so cool

Some exciting personal news that I can finally share.

What did devastating way to find out I’m coming to Chicago oh man

The plot for ‘SPACEBALLS 2’ has been revealed: “Somehow, Dark Helmet has returned! 40 years after the events of the first Spaceballs, 50 years after the events of Star Wars: A New Hope, and 1 year after the events of The Devil Wears Prada 2, the galaxy is once again under threat. A threat so evil, so unstoppable, so completely lacking in any original ideas, that it has vowed to bring back the past… every last bit of it. With Lone Starr in hiding, Queen Vespa on the throne, and the Schwartz stretched thinner than a franchise releasing TV episodes theatrically, the only hope for the galaxy is Vespa’s undisciplined son, Prince Starburst, and a mysterious Palace advisor named Destiny. Together, they must find Lone Starr, Yogurt, and any other iconic legacy characters fans are demanding before they discover the hard way that, while some threats you can fight, the reboot is not one of them.”

@The_kylepuzzo We’re set for life bub

@AlexEdelman Is Boston losing its sports city rep? Bc we’re the ones that suck lol

Not a “Yankees Suck” chant at the Noah Kahan show at Fenway.

‘WIDOW'S BAY’ has been nominated for 19 Emmys. • Best Comedy Series • Best Lead Actor (Matthew Rhys) • Best Supporting Actor (Stephen Root) • Best Supporting Actress x2 (Kate O'Flynn & Dale Dickey) • Best Guest Actor (Hamish Linklater) • Best Guest Actress (Betty Gilpin) • Best Comedy Writing • Best Comedy Casting • Best Comedy Directing • Best Comedy Editing x3 • Best Music Composition • Best Music Supervision • Best Sound Editing • Best Sound Mixing • Best Production Design • Best Comedy Cinematography

There’s no such thing as a current events bingo card. You don’t have one. You don’t have anything ‘on’ it. Grow up.

@fatherjohnmisty @hipearlrose What a guy x

@hipearlrose I got you!

hello @fatherjohnmisty I would love to see your show at the palace tomorrow however I am extremely broke, if a ticket fell off the wagon would you let me know please <3

In Germany, a talented 14-year-old earns his club money. In America, his parents pay the club $15,000 a year. That single inversion explains why "we will not" is the most accurate line ever written about US soccer. FIFA built a global system for this. Training compensation and solidarity payments send a cut of every transfer fee back to the clubs that developed the player, from age 12 onward. Develop one future pro and your academy gets paid for a decade. Barcelona's La Masia, Ajax, every Bundesliga academy runs on this logic. The kid is the asset. US Soccer refuses to enforce those rules. When Seattle's Crossfire Premier claimed its $60,000 share of DeAndre Yedlin's transfer to Tottenham, it got nothing. Claims on the Dempsey and Bradley transfers died partly because the federation couldn't even produce the youth training records. So American clubs earn zero dollars when a kid turns pro. They earn when a kid enrolls. Which makes the parent the customer, and the product is whatever keeps the parent writing checks: travel tournaments, hotel weekends, $500 showcase events, private training at $100 an hour. Elite pathways run $8,000 to $20,000 a year. A comparable academy spot in Italy costs about 120 euros. Follow the incentive one level deeper and it gets darker. A club dependent on fees can't cut its weakest paying players, so rosters optimize for retention over development. The scouting pool shrinks to families who can afford the cliff, which appears around age 11, exactly when development matters most. The country runs a talent filter sorted by household income instead of ability. Every four years someone proposes fixing this. The proposal always requires the people profiting from the $15,000 model to vote themselves out of business. They will not.

doing some reading

@RheaStinger Might be someone else pal

@AlexEdelman We should totally hang out in crowded places and have obnoxiously loud conversations. it would be amazeballz. unless youre not the Comedian Alex Edleman, and youre some other Alex Edleman.

The team’s just too inexperienced against good programs let’s be real

Corruption like this finally means we’re a proper soccer country doesn’t it

This is Trump’s first successful example of international negotiation

ok well this sets an unrealistic precedent

This looks like a victory - but when you consider the thing they are ruling on is the constitutionality of the constitution you start to feel a little less good