Alexis Clemons

@rachaeldurant a truly devastating blow

Trying not to cry over spilled milk (all of my Chrome tabs + tab groups are gone and there is apparently no way to get them back)

@lemonyclemons so you’re telling me the chicken caesar I had at outback steakhouse at the Orlando airport today was not culturally accurate?

words can’t describe how bad i need this, turns out this is a uniquely american food

Welp, this is the final nail in the coffin for me because: 1) Wiping away almost 2 decades of solid global branding is dumb as hell and I can’t handle the stupidity. 2) Birds are cool. Peace out y’all ✌️, find me on threads at this same handle.

😥

I don’t understand how people sleep without a fan or white noise. You’re just raw dogging the silence like that? Couldn’t be me.

Reasons I’m not meant for California: you try to walk .5 of a mile in great weather and everyone looks at you like YOU’RE the weird one

@lemonyclemons the best, plus the sneakers

@AlexisClemons94 you know the good ones too… lemme get any boot

I’m probably riddled with more micro plastics than most people because I spent a good 3-4 years chewing on sooooo many polly pocket shoes like iykyk

I think #TheMandalorian should have a 90’s sitcom style theme song and they should use Space Cowboy (2000) by *NSYNC

ITS DECEMBER

Or my favorite: Mickey Mouse is a short king.

Or this gem?: When will they make a Barbie Pet Rescue port for the switch?

If twitter really dies, what happens to all my overly topical yet so outdated drafts?

Stepped out to vote during lunch and as I walked into the parking lot, a car pulled in absolutely blasting We Didn’t Start the Fire… not sure what kind of message they were trying to send but it was a vibe

Taylor Swift has strong bridges 100% of the time but u know who doesn’t? Massachusetts bc our bridges are barely maintained so they’re falling down and that’s why we have to pass Question 1 in 19 days so vote Yes on 1 unfortunately I have been thinking about this joke for days.

Thank you Taylor and Carly for delivering a feast for all of us whose favorite genre of music is ‘sad bop’. (And, as always, thank you ABBA for creating the sad bop)

I can arrive at a planned meet up either 20 minutes early (in which case I will awkwardly find a place to sit out of sight until it’s time) or 20 minutes late, there is simply no other option.

Tropical Skittles are the Best Skittles and I can only ever find them at campsites and random road-trip stops. Every flavor hits, no skips. They’re too good to be sold in convenient places.

New hill to die on: all cars should have front license plates. I don’t care what the state-by-state law says, not having one makes it very difficult to play the license plate game.