AlienButtProbe

All these dudes claiming alien abductions and anal probes… are we sure they didn’t just get blackout drunk and wake up after a colonoscopy? #alwaysgettingblamed #aliens #nfl #walmart

@PopBase You are a cancer on society.

MrBeast turns 28.

@BenStiller We stopped by last night, found no signs of intelligent life.

FEED KAT

@Walmart @USATerritories Even we won't shop at Walmart. Stevie bought one of your rotisserie chickens. Now he's dead.

@USATerritories fuel to finish strong

@MadsPosting Congratulations! You’ve been selected for our galaxy’s longest-running medical study

she makes me the best breakfast

@matthewdmarsden Your species invented reality TV… trust me, this is the less embarrassing option

It actually isn’t a cultural shift at all. People say they don’t care about what Hollywood has to say, then fawn over anything they utter that might align with their views.

@SlappedHam If it makes you feel better, human… we’re just as curious about this as you are.

Bigfoot caused quite the stir in Colorado recently. 👀

@planethunter56 Human, if you think this is weird, wait until you see Step Two

Collins Elite: stop posting about aliens and demons. Unless… Me:

@Dominos_UK We come in peace… and occasionally with medical equipment

who needs some 'pizza and me' time?

@JimmysSeafood @JeffPassan If it makes you feel better, human… we’re just as curious about this as you are

@JeffPassan Cry bitch

That game cannot end like that. A shame.

@ChudTheBuilder @OsheaJacksonJr Relax… we’ve practiced on cows for decades

@OsheaJacksonJr Come do it then chimp

This racist fucking app. I’ll never delete it strictly for the fuckin motivation is brings me. Some of yall need yall asses handed to you.

@DUDEwipes Human yelling “HEY NOT COOL!” But it’s standard alien tool, Captain says, “Just one @DUDEwipes Scientific probe and wipes.

bum drum has a nice ring to it...

@RicFlairNatrBoy @RealKurtAngle @TripleH We like the WOOOOO! We especially like to WOOOOOOOO before we begin!!!! #WOOOOO

To Be The Man, You Have To WOOOOO Like The Man! WOOOOO!

@aaronsagers Your species invented reality TV… trust me, this is the less embarrassing option

Beware the Tide of March. Which is basically when you have stretched out your clothes and that final pair of clean undies, only to realize you don’t have enough detergent on Laundry Day. #Fact

@BrandenRoderick Relax, human… this is just a routine butt-terrestrial examination

Why are mountain climbers so curious? Because they always want to get to the peak! 🏔️👀 Happy Monday!

@BurgerKing We now offer probing U R way!

There’s a new King, and it’s YOU

@Cobratate @THR

@THR They did this to me too.

Leaked Audio Reveals Rebel Wilson’s PR Team Plotted to Smear Movie Producer as Sex Trafficker (Listen) hollywoodreporter.com/business/busin…

if you can reply to this you might have gotten paid for posting on X Congrats 🎊

@edbassmaster @Nate_Esparza

@Nate_Esparza Give me money!!!

@EndWokeness Probe results...confusing, swinging around for another test!

BREAKING: Mayor Mamdani names NY's 1st trans woman to lead new "LGBTQI+ Office"

@kellychasemedia You should look into Probe-ology you seem like an interesting human! Putting you in our list now!

As much as I bitch about ufology, I’m never leaving, because the thing about me is that I love nothing more in this world than a real ✨character✨. And this field is so rich with them. It’s the free-range habitat for the most brilliant, complex, eccentric, dynamic group of intrepid mavericks and weirdos on the planet. Ufology makes me feel a lot of things, but boredom is never one of them.