ALPHA ♛ KAISER 𝐈𝐈

Alpha Kaiser FAQ Thread 🧵 For new followers, your guide to a mysterious yet legendary Twitter poster

@hgbdmi Seasons change and pass All is temporary Like the breeze that passes over mountain valleys Moving flowers to and fro

@AlphaKaiser_II We have to just abandon our earthly desires atp and become football worshipping monks that accept it is the will of the game that Celtic can't win the league this season and the board that caused this mess deserve nothing more

Say it with me: We deserve this. We deserve this. WE DESERVE THIS.

WE’RE GONNA FINISH 3RD IN A FARMER’S LEAGUE

You gave Martin O’Neill a broken guitar and asked him to play Jimi Hendrix

We did alright for a couple of goofballs… 💚💙

“Hearts” winning the league

Went on a date with a girl who lowkenuinely resembles my colleague crush (I’m recreating her in the aggregate)

The UEFA A Licence holder moves with a serene dignity. He prefers not to talk about his credentials (impressive though they may be), but rather let his posts speak for themselves. It’s the mark of a life spent in quiet reflection and analysis. Such is the way of the A Licence.

Newcastle 3-8 Barcelona. Chelsea 2-8 PSG Man City 1-5 Real Madrid Spurs 2-5 Atlético (1st leg) Yet I was told that PR League was the best league in the world by bribed pundits, broadcasters with incentives, marketing executives, and arrogant English masses?!!

Average bed in UEFA Orphanage

Been feeling guilty and I’m a scumbag, I can’t lie. Sold bribes in Nyon to my friends and relatives. Scammed young players with bad contracts and corrupt agents. Dated 6 girls at once while claiming to be a truecel. Sold heroin in Frankfurt. Ran casinos in Benelux region.

Are they Arctic Circle merchants?

Saw a real life Irelandish person in Nyon on St Patrick’s Day

I’m not an a’alim 🤦‍♂️ I’m not a da’i 🙅‍♂️ I sit in front of you as someone you can learn from my mistakes 🙇‍♂️ I was a wasteman! 😤

I remember putting him in my scouting thread a couple weeks later

@trustyceltic Blud thought ts was tuff

@AlphaKaiser_II I spoke to him and he said your scouting report was pish and to delete your account

Yang is aware of us He probably saw my scouting report

To be a ground hopper is to willingly choose the life of a UEFA Orphan, but do it all for free. You travel to random football matches in distant lands, shun all human connections, and live in squalid conditions in filthy hotels and AirBnBs. A truly despicable lifestyle.

@Avoidant11173 I get it when it’s an actual top flight match in another country, but voluntarily watching Sunday League is bizarre

@AlphaKaiser_II Football-as-"experience" wankers

Something perverse and unsettling about this Groundhopping subculture