Amanda Against Abuse

My crime: not promoting contact with my abuser. My abusers crime: #Childassault, s3xual assault, r4pe, #domesticabuse, #emotionalabuse, #coercivecontrol, #financialabuse, #medicalneglect, #perjury, #gaslighting, #litigationabuse and #animalabuse to name a few. The current situation: children removed from me and placed with the abuser. #familycourt #cafcass #corrupt #corruption #bias #notfitforpurpose #shamingvictims #blamingvictims #enablingabuse

Narcissism isn't just arrogance. It's "I am more important than you, and your needs don't matter." Dr. Ramani Durvasula on what NPD actually looks like:

Nobody talks about the decisions domestic abuse forces you to make. Not the obvious ones. The quiet ones. The ones that look strange from the outside. The ones that invite judgement from people who have never had to make them. Let me tell you about mine. The contact. Time with my children comes with conditions. A contact centre. My husband excluded. A Friday promise that quietly disappears. I have held them, looked them in the eyes and said “see you Friday” more times than I can count. And then Friday contact is stopped. So I made a choice. No more yo-yoing. No more building them up for a fall. It wasn’t the choice I wanted. It was the only one that made sense. The school. They didn’t understand parental responsibility. Then they withheld information. Then they lied about SEND provision. Then they refused to investigate my complaint. Do I want to spend my days fighting an institution that bullies and stonewalls me? No. But without me, my child would likely have been expelled by now. Because here’s what I’ve noticed: deny my request in writing, and within a month they quietly begin the very process they denied. So I keep going. Because someone has to. The move. I was happy. I had family nearby, community, routine. Then my village became a place where I couldn’t shop, couldn’t walk my dog on the path I’d walked for two years, couldn’t go to the doctor without a scene. Doors banging. Waiting rooms watching. “She is unsafe,” announced loudly, wherever I went. My home stopped feeling like mine. So I moved. And I could breathe again . Until he followed. And it started again. Here is what people don’t understand about the choices survivors make: we don’t want to make them. We don’t choose distance from our children, or battles with schools, or uprooting our lives. Abuse corners you. It narrows every path until the strange choice, the one that looks wrong from the outside, is the only one that causes the least harm. We are not making bad decisions. We are surviving them.

Six months. Six months since I’ve held my children, heard their laughter up close, been their mum in the way mothers are supposed to be. Except for two brief moments, doctor’s appointments I booked, because that’s what mothers do. Fifteen minutes each. That’s all I’ve had. And that was the problem, apparently. Not that the children needed medical care. Not that I ensured they got it. But that I was the one who booked it. So now we’re back to supervised contact as per father’s demands. A sterile room. A clock on the wall. A stranger in the corner. Think about what that does to a child’s mind. One day, mummy is home. She’s tucking you in, making decisions, being mum. Then she does exactly what a mother should do, and suddenly you’re watching her through a window of rules and restrictions, wondering what she did wrong. What are we teaching them? That love can be weaponised. That care can be punished. That one parent holds the power to erase the other through control. And family court allows it. Children are watching. They are learning. And they will one day understand exactly what happened here.

Stop calling her crazy. You pushed her to the breaking point. You ignored her when she tried to communicate. You dismissed her feelings for months. You lied to her face repeatedly. You disrespected her boundaries daily. You made her question her own reality. You gaslighted her until she couldn't trust herself. Then act shocked when she snaps. Then call her dramatic when she finally reacts. Then label her crazy when she breaks down. Then act like you don't know why she's upset. You created the storm then complained about the rain. You lit the match then blamed her for the fire. You poked the bear then called it aggressive. Her reaction is not the problem, your actions are. Her anger is valid, your behavior caused it. Her breakdown is reasonable, your treatment created it. Her response makes sense, your choices don't. Stop making her the villain for reacting to your chaos. Stop calling her unstable when you're the one creating instability. Stop labeling her emotional when you're the one being emotionally abusive. A calm woman doesn't just become "crazy" overnight. She becomes broken by someone who claims to love her. You don't get to break someone then judge how they heal.

It’s easier to judge the survivor than face how invisible and insidious abuse really is. #VictimBlaming #DomesticAbuseAwareness

@changethechec @DrJessTaylor It showed up on a check, so I know it was there. When it came time to working with children, it suddenly disappeared from the check. 😱

DBS checks only show criminal convictions (and sometimes cautions). They don’t show things like stalking protection orders, non-molestation orders or civil injunctions. Many victims are also being told to pursue matters through the civil courts rather than the criminal courts, which means these issues often never appear on a DBS check. The DBS system and justice system is broke!

He also had a clear DBS because the DBS system is broken and doesn’t safeguard anyone, including children!! Sign the petition: petition.parliament.uk/petitions/7400…

Many survivors only recognize the abuse after they’ve left. That moment of clarity can change everything. #coercivecontrol #survivorstories

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Wow. That penny has dropped for me on my ex and why in his eyes we are still married. Why he still, 6 years later, thinks he can tell me what to do, how to behave, who I can talk to, who I have a relationship with. He has never and will never accept that there is no longer commitment to him.

An important reminder that abuse often hides in plain sight - and why creating space for people to speak about their experiences remains so important. metro.co.uk/2026/03/07/stu…

It happened again yesterday. A panic attack. A swimming head, rapid breathing, dizziness, heart palpitations. My speech slowed. I was shaking inside and out. Sweating even though the room was cold. It has been a while since the last one. Mostly because my ex had been silent for a time. When the abuse pauses, the body finally rests. But now the abusers have evolved. Now it is the school. They are breaching my parental responsibility. Denying requests while drafting a SEND plan. Withholding information about my child’s care. Telling me directly they will not answer my questions, even when those questions are about SEND support and therapy. They are bigger than me. They have the resources to maintain the image of “doing what is best for the child.” I am just the parent whose body reacts with panic when the truth is denied. What makes it worse is the transformation. Six years ago they were supportive. They listened. Somewhere along the way they switched. And now it is blatant. It feels as abusive as what I endured from my ex. And once again, no one holds the harm to account. No one stops to examine the failures. Sometimes my life feels like a horror film. An unbelievable one. The kind people assume cannot be real. But this is real. It happens every day. So it is not surprising that the panic attacks have returned.

@dasgsurvivors @dshensmith I hear you. But in practice that’s what happens.

A judge cannot legitimately change what a witness said or modify the substance of the hearing record. The transcript must reflect the audio recording. If there is a dispute, the recording is the primary evidence. Under Family Procedure Rules and general court practice, the transcript should match the recording.

The Gov (MOJ) response to petition is a lie. They said: “In civil proceedings, litigants in England and Wales do not need to pay for the written order or judgment relating to their own case; this is sent to all parties involved, setting out the court’s reasoning for the decision, which parties can refer to if they wish to appeal that decision.” This is not entirely true. The order, yes. A one to three line judgment in many cases, yes. For appeals, you need the full written judgment, which in many cases such as small claims/Fast track and maybe intermediate track, it is simply not true. We have to pay for it. Can’t say I’m surprised.

And the transcripts. They are edited by the judges before being released, so critical words actually spoken never appear in the transcripts. Until it is recorded independently and transcribed for free, and available to everyone in attendance they are only what the judge approves, and therefore pointless.

In family court we may get a written judgement sent to all parties but transcripts have to be paid for. All hearing transcripts should be free. We pay for them because we have to prove what a shambles the system is and it should not be like this. Serious issues are discussed, litigated and recorded so all parties should have access to the full transcripts.

Remembering Sarah Everard today and sending love to her family and friends. #SarahEverard

@EastEndJoe I refused to be abused any longer. I refused to allow the ex to control me, despite being divorced for a number of years now. It’s pissed off: school, social services, family court, Cafcass, family, friends and my children. But I am alive, and that’s good enough for me.

This should be interesting…

Another consultation on DA! What should we do about it? Arrest the perpetrators? Prosecute them? Convict them? Have police take it seriously? Provide adequate therapy for women who have suffered? And housing if they need to flee? #wealreadyknowtheanswer bbc.co.uk/news/articles/…

Melanie Gill recommended removal of children from their mothers - some to court found abusers, some to alleged abusers, some to the state. Most, if not all, of these mothers, were kind, caring, ‘safe’ mothers. I was a ‘safe’ mother. Their father was a court found abuser.