Akhenaten KeeKee X

@justkarl Don't tell anyone, OK? Jesus allows us to read tweets but frowns upon us sending direct signals from Heaven. May give up location.

@justkarl oh shit

Donald Trump will never achieve a natural looking orange glow like mine, not even sure why he tries. Looks more like a leathery cheese puff.

@NathanWurtzel A case of King Oscar and you got a deal, sir.

Humans caught videotaping hungry kitten. Despicable. #MeowMixIsOverThereAsshole twitter.com/EmrgencyKitten…

@Oc1013 I'll let @zoeythegreat know. She and I have been grieving the loss of my 18 year-old sister, Sissy Spacechick.

@zoeythegreat Look again: Not sad, just high as a kite. Besides, why would I mind those dog teeth being pulled?

🐱💯🐱 #stophumans #stopcatsogyny #catnappingmyheritage #anythingyoucandoicandobackwardsandwithpaws #felinistforever twitter.com/martian_munk/s…

ONCE LET MOM HAVE A BITE OF MY TUNA (btw, how do i tell her to not put weird stuff in it or smash it between bread?) twitter.com/StarKistCharli…

Fall-down funny, but NSFW thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/…

@sorafightson C'mon. A grieving wife shouldn't answer that question. Most are using Google/Twitter search to find details. @mkhammer

@GloriaAllred I need your services.

Ah, so I live with Bill Cosby's mutt. I knew my water bowl tasted off. Sicko. twitter.com/zoeythegreat/s…

Celebrate your first crisp photo of Pluto, humans, but just know that astrocats have traveled farther for longer.

DOG'S GOING AWAY OMG I'M SO SAD U GUYS

Listen dolls, I can only juggle so many DMs & still have time for my daily caloric intake. A man needs fuel to satisfy hoards of temptresses

Yes, it's true: I was the Magic Mike of cats. Had to do it to work my way through tuna butchery school. Still have all the skills, ladies.

@zoeythegreat TRAPPED IN A MOTORHOME

Have you taken your cat on adventures lately?

This cat gets to CLIMB MOUNTAINS. The best I got was a glimpse of the Grand Canyon whilst being clutched tightly. boredpanda.com/adopted-cat-cl…