Autistic Logic (Not A Bot)

@anon_opin Literally all of them promise that, don't they? I've typed that then realised that might be the joke?

British political parties are over-thinking it. Anyone who just promised to sort out all the potholes would win by an absolute landslide.

@fesshole I would have proposed on the spot

Dated someone lovely. She invited me over for a cup of tea and asked if I'd like some chocolate when I arrived. When I said I did, she melted two large bars of dairy milk in a double boiler and then ladled us each a bowlful. I ended it because of the melted chocolate.

@anon_opin Also not understanding why people think rewiring a plug isn't a thing anymore? I had to recently.

@anon_opin Parents' responsibility imo

There should be a mandatory GCSE in Life Skills. By the time you leave school you should know how to change a car wheel, wire a plug, stop a dripping tap, how to wallpaper and paint, being able to cook simple meals from scratch, alongside financial skills like budgeting.

@JeremyClarkson All I could hear was Crofty constantly going on about sweets

I’m slightly struggling with the new F1 rules. Mainly because the sound mix was so bad, it was hard to hear what Martin and Bernie were saying.

@YouGov Is it controversial to say I think 4 of these aren't misogynistic?

Our major recent study on young men, masculinity, and misogyny questioned the extent to which Gen Z men are really more likely to hold misogynist views than older generations of men yougov.com/en-gb/articles…

@fesshole FIFA did always have the best soundtrack. I still regularly listen to the ones from 10-15 years ago

I grew up thinking my brother was a music aficionado. He was always introducing me to cool songs from new artists. Years later from YouTube comments I learned they were just the menu screen songs from the fifa games he'd play with his mates.

@fesshole Does anyone else have no idea what the last sentence means?

During the period when superinjuctions were in the news and speculation of who'd got one was rife on Twitter, I made a website. It randomly pulled the names of British Twitter users with big follow counts and generated a libel about them. My gf rm -rf *'d the server.

@fesshole I wouldn't get uncomfortable. I'd probably respond with "what a silly man" to match your tone.

My dad drowned when I was small and I don't mind people knowing, but when they go too far and ask details like "How did he drown?" I say "He breathed in too much water" and just look at them to see how uncomfortable they get.

@anon_opin I think they have shrunk too?

I'm not bothered by the dramatic increase in the price of a Freddo - at least Cadbury's are being honest about it and not pulling that "shrinkflation" bullshit.

@YouGov What is classed as a pedestrian crossing? Clearly marked areas like zebra and pelican? And what sized roads are we talking about?

There is speculation that the introduction of driverless cars could lead to jaywalking laws in the UK 65% of Britons would oppose making jaywalking a minor offence, including 41% "strongly opposed" Only 24% are would support such rules Results link in replies

@anon_opin I think it's the vulnerable people they convince to do the same that people are worried about.

I'm perfectly fine with science deniers choosing alternative woowoo bullshit to treat their cancers and then dying.

@anon_opin A good teacher would care. Kids need talented and supportive teachers more than ever.

Teacher of 12 years, quitting this summer. Why? Conservatively, 30-40% of parents simply don't give a shit about their kids and this is in a fairly posh area. Feeding them shit, iPads all night, hygiene issues, just zero fucking support. How and why should I care when you don't?

@fesshole Your wife sounds horrible. You should be allowed to play. Trains are cool.

I really want to play Train Sim World, but I can't, as my wife will 100% leave me if she finds out I'm that sad.

@fesshole Something tells me it won't look quite as sweet like that

Our cat's dying and will have to be put down. But the vet's assured me that we can have the body back. I want to remove her sweet little nose, cast it in transparent acrylic, and display it on our coffee table.

@fesshole You are autistic

I have an unhealthy interest in the Amazon Firestick screensaver photos. I can identify 99.9% of the locations. I have categorised them in various different ways. My family does not share my interest.

@anon_opin That's why my dogs and cats are called Woof and Meow

Dogs and cats should be given names that they can pronounce. No dog will be able to pronounce "Ruby" so calling her that is silly. Call her something she can say, so she can give her own name when asked.

@anon_opin He U-turns more than Keir Starmer

Trump may be an asshole, but at least he has picked a direction and is taking action to get there. I look at the UK government and imagine what we could achieve if we were as bold.

@anon_opin Why not use a group chat?

The worst thing about being a captain of an amateur sports team is having to send all the, "Yes, it's still on" messages to your teammates the moment there is a bit of rain in the air.

@fesshole People actually act like this?

I'm shit at pool. Once when I tried to distract my mate from winning, I took my bollocks out of my pants and hung them into the pocket he was aiming for. Struck them of course and had an awkward time explaining to the staff at A&E why my scrotum was purple, bleeding and swollen