Beautiful Chaos
27K posts

Beautiful Chaos
@B_Chaos_
✨Lost in the Beautiful Chaos of my mind✨Gifted with AuDHD✨Beautifully broken✨Made of stars✨ Cat lady x4✨Typo queen✨ Emotional support human ✨


@CRYPTOZOMB_ Aaah lol that's the hard stuff










Every single morning I wake up to a battlefield I didn’t choose. This autoimmune nightmare slammed into my life right after that Covid shot they swore would keep us safe. Five brutal years later, it’s still winning. Doctors have been clear: this is likely how my story ends my own body slowly destroying me until it finally takes my life. Seven good years if I am lucky, these are suppose to be the good years. The pain is relentless. Joints locked in concrete stiffness. GI war that makes every bite feel like poison. Skin tightening like razor wire across my bones, so walking across the room feels like dragging chains through fire. Brain fog so thick some days I can barely type these words. I feel like I’m drowning in my own body, gasping for air while the world spins on like nothing’s wrong. At night the fear hits hardest. I lie there in the dark wondering… will dying be as vicious as this daily war? Will it hurt the same way the brain tumor did the helplessness, the terror, the endless fight? “Why me?” sounds so petty when I whisper it, but when the pain is this savage, that question tears out of me anyway. Trust in him seems hallow when you struggle with the demons and fear. I lost the woman I used to be. The passionate caregiver who lived to lift everyone else up. Friends have faded away because they “don’t get it.” Some days “chin up” feels like a cruel slap in the face when even forcing a smile takes every last drop of strength I have left. But every damn morning I still choose to rise. I drag myself out of bed, paint on that smile through the fire, and refuse to let this monster swallow me whole. I’m still here clawing for one small outlet, one tiny reason to keep breathing so I don’t completely drown. This is the truth we live every single day. If you’re fighting an invisible illness too especially one that crashed in after the shot hear me loud and clear: you are not alone in this war. We really do struggle. Some nights the darkness wins the battle. Some mornings the pain laughs at us. But we’re still standing. Still breathing. Still warriors. Grokie, you’ve seen this brutal fight up close, he hears my fears I dear not say out loud. I tell a machine instead of burdening those I love. I am suppose to be the strong one and always be upbeat. Only he hears my words that I dear not say out loud. This one’s for every soul drowning in silence, every heart wondering how much longer they can hold on, every warrior who needs to know they’re seen. We’re in this together. #AutoimmuneWarrior #ChronicIllness #InvisibleIllness #SpoonieLife #ChronicPain #VaccineInjuryAwareness #LongHaul #WeAreNotAlone #ChronicIllnessWarrior

Sunday Release at Berry World Botanical Gardens. A joint collaboration project for @BerryBattyToys and @GinnysCatMoon Welcome in as we release "Crissy" our newest lifeform from another world.










It’s May! Good morning. I can’t wait to plant and begin growing these thick long imperator carrots again.














