Treacle the Bastard

@Northern_Bobby 😱😱😱

Anyone following who has recently joined the job? Were you taught anything on rank and understanding of lawful orders? Phone call with a new officer earlier regarding an incident. Called me 'mate' 3 times and then said "No, I think that's your job"

@PFM192381 She wasn’t laughing at that, she looked very sad - but I know how much she spent on my awful brother, so it’s only right and proper.

Today, the vet was examining my tummy and gave it a good press. I did a huge, loud and stinking fart straight in her face. Mum laughed uncontrollably, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of myself. #HappyEaster

This weather is stupid and I have decided to hibernate. Stupid humans, leaving the door open. Get in early, dominate the space.

@cortezvangerwen What a loving and helpful boy! I thoroughly approve ❤️

@BastardTreacle thought you might approve of Jack's helpful nature. Emptying the bin to make sure there's nothing thrown away unnecessarily... Very eco conscious. He asked me to put it in B&W to save the colour pixels #seniorstaffy #staffycross #crossedwithaterriblebinman

Had a fun day with the housesitter today. Mum has been home for an hour, pretended I didn’t notice, she spent two minutes checking I was still breathing. 😂😂 #banter

Dad’s gone away, which means I’m returned to my rightful sleeping spot. Mum says if I don’t stop farting then I’ll be removed to the garden, but it’s not my fault.

@SensibleName @tiredverytired Fucking grass.

@cortezvangerwen @auntiesella @RPD2025STELLA @thedogman_918 Oh I’m so sorry to hear this about Beautiful Ella. Mum gave me an extra hard cuddle reading this. Sending waggy tails and kisses.

Ella would be very proud that her name was able to help older rescue dogs like her. 3 and a half years of joy, love and spoils @auntiesella @RPD2025STELLA @thedogman_918 @BastardTreacle

Have been debating whether to post but #dogtwitter, we have said goodbye to the beautiful Ella today. If I can ask anyone that sees this that would like to throw a quid or two towards two very important charities, in her honour @SeniorStaffy and strayaid.org.uk

@Mr_Andrew_Fox And you say they’re the ‘real’ dogs. Useless. Don’t blame me if you get murdered by a hedgehog (or anything else) tonight.

Was curious about what in the garden was attracting the attention of both shepherds… We have a little visitor. Delighted to say he didn’t need rescuing, they were both just having a curious sniff. A somewhat different outcome to @BastardTreacle’s past hedgehog discoveries 🤦🏻‍♂️

Hahahahaha. Dad always goes on about how impressive this bellend is, but all I’m saying is that it wasn’t me who did a nervous fart and sprinted out the kitchen cos the washing machine went into spin cycle. Manky Mali strikes again.

@cortezvangerwen @MaisyandBonnie @aun @oldiesclub @RPD2025STELLA 😍

Sunday morning #seniorstaffy @MaisyandBonnie @aun @oldiesclub @RPD2025STELLA @BastardTreacle

@Mr_Andrew_Fox @kevinjbrain Funny way of showing it…

@kevinjbrain Oh bless. Hope you’re following @BastardTreacle - she’s about 16. Fully here for old dogs.

Hello to the many new followers off the back of the Arnhem stuff! Just a little tweet to warn you off about the normal service dog stuff you’ll be deluged with once the anniversary is over 😂

Where’s the fucking sun gone?! Also, Nigel is a stupid name for a hurricane.

@jill_shortt @Mr_Andrew_Fox 😂😂😂 That was two of them trying. Useless bipeds.

@Mr_Andrew_Fox @BastardTreacle 2 person job … one feeds… one clips… 2-3 nails at a time… do it over a week. Back legs easier… so might meet the 3 criteria.. 2 for the front.. have first aid kit on site…

Lesson learnt. Don’t try and restrain @BastardTreacle to clip her claws. Also evidence that the damned talons need clipping…

@e4billycab I’m prettier!

@BastardTreacle You have more followers than me 😕 what’s the secret 😁👍

@Mr_Andrew_Fox You called it on, mate…

My dad has been shouting all day, and it is disturbing me. ‘Go Colts’ ‘Come on Wales’ As well as lots of instructions to people who can’t hear him through the television. I’m exhausted just listening to it, quite frankly. What even is “Rugby”?!

Show me a cool black and white photo of you… That time I helped Mum and Dad unpack when we got to the new house.

Dad bought a new toy for the Manky Mali. Brought it all the way back from America! Got fuck all for me though, did he? Actions have consequences…