BEAVE

Like a cat, I too will randomly decide your face is the ideal place to sit at 3 a.m.

@bankofskol2 No, I just stopped wearing one this year

@Beaveinflow I thought this was what you just called your entire life

In my no-bra era.

@LordOfFuckery You know it! 💅🏻😍

@Beaveinflow Costco hotdog?

Getting my nails done so they look good wrapped around a big hot dog.

A sleeve of Oreos tastes better alone in a dark closet.

If she stops responding it's probably because your DMs got her too hot.

@BadCovid19 😂😂😂💕

@Beaveinflow *changes name to hot dog

@thecanadianeh Knew you were into butt stuff

I wish my face was on a stamp so everybody would have to lick my butt

Intrusive thought of the day. "I need a new tattoo." Ask me what I'm doing right now.

Therapy.

ideal sunday night

Masseuse: happy ending? Me: oh yeah *20 minutes later Masseuse: ...and then Tom Hanks shows up in the park and yells the dog's name, and Meg Ryan just knows he's the one she loved all along... Me: OMG their love is so pure 😭

Its hard to convince your nervous system its wrong.

baby come over and place your hand on my chest. help me take my deep breath

fuck nudes, can i keep you?

Oreos never gave anyone explosive diarrhea.

My fucking life would have been easier if I wasn't a good fucking kisser or incredibly fucking amazing at sex

A road trip lives or dies by two things: the playlist and an irresponsible amount of snacks.