Eddie Contreras

335 posts

Eddie Contreras

Eddie Contreras

@Bluebanana01

Metamucil. I'm their number two fan!

Tucson, AZ Katılım Nisan 2011
708 Takip Edilen735 Takipçiler
Eddie Contreras retweetledi
Jacob
Jacob@Ambulophobia·
If you were me I would suggest you brush your teeth.
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Eddie Contreras retweetledi
Jacob
Jacob@Ambulophobia·
If you're pregnant get a tattoo of a smily face on your stomach so after you give birth it turns into a sad face.
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Eddie Contreras retweetledi
Jacob
Jacob@Ambulophobia·
Combine the shows "River Monsters" and "Dateline NBC" and you get the show "Catfish"
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Eddie Contreras retweetledi
Jacob
Jacob@Ambulophobia·
If sperm whales don't mate for a long time they turn into blue whales.
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Eddie Contreras retweetledi
Jacob
Jacob@Ambulophobia·
I might buy a pair of jorts so be careful ladies I'm about to become irresistible.
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Eddie Contreras retweetledi
Jacob
Jacob@Ambulophobia·
CNN Breaking: Courtney Love becomes obsessed with missing Noah's Ark.
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Eddie Contreras
Eddie Contreras@Bluebanana01·
I dropped a Snickers candy bar down my pants... April Fools! Its poop.
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Eddie Contreras
Eddie Contreras@Bluebanana01·
I saw someone in an easter bunny costume and he kissed me... April Fools! I kissed him.
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Eddie Contreras
Eddie Contreras@Bluebanana01·
This hot girl working at Subway I just met can really cook.
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Eddie Contreras
Eddie Contreras@Bluebanana01·
I got one hair in the middle of my chest thats long enough to reach my nipple but not the other one.
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Eddie Contreras
Eddie Contreras@Bluebanana01·
Most premature ejaculations occur within the first two inches of a microwave burrito.
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Eddie Contreras
Eddie Contreras@Bluebanana01·
I don't always poop brown, but when I do I drink Dos Equis.
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Eddie Contreras
Eddie Contreras@Bluebanana01·
They should make a Red Box as big as a Quick Trip and call it Blockbuster.
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Eddie Contreras
Eddie Contreras@Bluebanana01·
The only thing me and Kraft singles have in common is we're both cheesy.. and single... and cum in clear plastic.
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Eddie Contreras
Eddie Contreras@Bluebanana01·
I'll finish your lease. - "@biorhythmist: Just sneezed while shitting so now I need to find a new apartment."
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Eddie Contreras
Eddie Contreras@Bluebanana01·
Stuck my penis in a grocery bag full of cheez-its and gummy worms so there goes my other new years resolution.
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