Ethan Aschenbeck

"And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling minorities, women and gays!" - Mitt Romney

@Br00zR @danielward86 @pedroscrivener damn you got me. Wish I was good with computers, but then again I'd be having bitch-less "shindigs"

@PedroScrivener @danielward86 I can't go to your "shindig," I have bitches to fuck! Sorry.

@CassyPatti15 My liver is a lot like my girlfriend. I largely forget it exists, until the weekend when I pound the shit out of it. Haha jk.

After HIGH SCHOOL Shit Got Real, Girls Got Pregnant, Niggas Got Locked Up, Some Got Shot, Couples Broke Up, Bestfriends Became Strangers...

Condoms: Because that 1 girl you banged banged 17 guys that banged 299 girls that banged 1,012 guys that banged 8,023 girls.

@CassyPatti15 @DontNeedTheD: If she snores at night. Stuff her mouth with your D.

Weed is bad, we should burn it.

#MentionAnAddiction Late night Whataburger

Let's spend the weekend recklessly blowing the $600 we didn't blow on the iPhone 5. some.ly/PH3mlB

There are a lot of #WaysToMakeMeSmile but bringing me Whataburger is on the top of the list

@Haley_Kovar cassy an I live in building 12 way back here in the sticks..I couldn't imagine to actually have to cook something!

@Haley_Kovar we still have no ice maker or remote...we have to change the channel like some sort of animal :/

Workaholics actually gives me hope for my social life after college

@CassyPatti15 that doesn't help considering you always get naked when we "hang out"