Brendan C Kennedy

@NemoNevermore_ mine are lifted up and away by boxer briefs.

i have a question for people with balls how do u not sit on them every single time u sit down??????????????????? SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY

I am utterly mortified to be informed by our producers that I enunciated Lil’ Wayne on our show as, ahhhem, Little Wayne. My fulsome apologies to @LilTunechi. I doubt he’ll ever have to utter my name, but should he, its seems to me that he could call me Spot.

@joerogan He died of a broken heart.

So, who killed JFK?

@joerogan It was either Oswald or someone else

@adamcarolla If they're talking about rebuilding basic infrastructure around the properties, this makes perfect sense and isn't actually talking about redistribution of land.

And so it begins

Neosporin implies the existence of Paleosporin

@Big_E keep working out

You meet your 15 year old self. You’re allowed 3 words. What are you saying?

@hillenbrand_tom @adamcarolla factcheck.org/2023/10/cherry…

@adamcarolla And a paper trail to prove it!

To his family

Sunsetting this account. Catch me on BlueSky for dick jokes

Ironically, Tony Hinchcliffe could use a good PR person

I don't do gay porn but Andy Warhole seems like a wasted power bottom name

I am still in the thrall of last night. Truly, one of the best days of my life… bydhttmwfi

Happy Wednesday & FUCK trump.

@itsalexvance lol = lots of love lmao = let me answer officially brb = Biden Rules Baby

Being a parenting writer is all fun and games until my editor asks me to write an article like, “What teenagers mean when they say [xyz].” Nothing like Googling random teen slang like a geriatric idiot. I am ancient. I am *this* close to the grave. I understand nothing.

Women set up dick appointments, which both makes me feel bad about my organizational skills and makes me think someone can sling dick federally if they donate enough to the right campaign.

@altonbrown yes chef

If you guys want a real, low budget, culinary horror movie, just say so and I'll freakin' make it.

RIP John Amos

BREAKING: J.D. Vance provided the Wall Street Journal with a police report in which a local resident claimed her pet might have been taken by her Haitian neighbors. Well, guess what! A reporter visited Anna Kilgore’s house (pictured below) last night, and she confirmed that her missing cat, Miss Sassy, who disappeared in late August, was actually found safe a few days later—hiding in her own basement. So much for that story! They keep doubling and tripling down but only make themselves look like even bigger fools.

Did an at home sleep study last night, which is a bit of an ego blow. Imagine being so bad at everything you fuck up breathing while you sleep because you're just that dumb.