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Tristan™
10.4K posts
Tristan™
@BucketDipper
UNT Alum | World Class Hater | Comedy Gold Certified
Katılım Mayıs 2015
348 Takip Edilen1.2K Takipçiler
@kvwviiju *jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware* ahem, hello.
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i am a strong yet incredibly dainty and delicate but also huge and powerful cow woman
ﾟ✧ﾟ mothemi ﾟ✧ﾟ@kvwviiju
if some of u ever meet me irl i think u will be surprised by how wide i am. it’s like when u meet a cow in real life
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Tristan™ retweetledi
"Tommy now spends his time pouring into young men around him" you can't make this up
Amy Smith@watchkeep
Can you imagine having to sign a waiver for your kid to play baseball because the coach is a child sex offender? @JohnRHuffman
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there’s no stronger bond than between a white boy and his collision course jay-z/linkin park mashups
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me when I- dude something has to change we’re all gonna die lowkey
Spencer Hakimian@SpencerHakimian
🚨WHITE HOUSE PHOTO OF TRUMP JUST RELEASED
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@NotJTompkins hello my truest friend please tell me what is ligma :)
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Tristan™ retweetledi
(Waking up to my alarm and wallowing in the futility of it all) ooooohh
(Realizing that I’ve already opened two gifts this morning which were my eyes) Barracuda 😈
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Joining the military so I can guarantee my parlays >>>
BNO News@BNONews
BREAKING: Person who won more than $400,000 by betting on Maduro's removal has been identified as a U.S. soldier who participated in the operation. The soldier has now been arrested, according to ABC News.
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Hit you with the Mr Boss maneuver
GIF
alexandria masse@MasseAlexandria
I complimented this girls possum purse at the tigers game last night and she took this tiny possum out of the purse and gave it to me
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This sounds like an Anton Chigurh monologue
geese band updates 🪿@geesebandupdate
what he said!
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Bro I coulda told you that tbh
Leading Report@LeadingReport
BBC alleges that the Trump admin may be engaging in insider trading.
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Unfortunately I will be co-opting "#mrhavingIt⛽"
peace + chemicals@_210128
Checking up on a friend from high school
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@Afterthot163 Kid who moves out of NY state bc he doesn't want any free handouts
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republicans rn cause kids get to eat
Democrats Deliver@DemzDeliver
🚨Democrats pass legislation guaranteeing free school breakfast and lunch for New York students.
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At a place in my life where this would genuinely keep me going
𓆩MXSS𓆪@madmxss
Recovering from a minor surgery and seeing this in the corner of my room
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This is what the cancelled NorthernLion cruise is taking from us
WTF@mrwtffacts
While on board a Carnival cruise ship, a 45-year-old nurse from California downed 14 shots of tequila in under 9 hours at the bar. She blacked out, fell down the stairs, and woke up in a staff-only area. Rather than brush it off as “one too many” she sued Carnival for overserving her. A Miami jury agreed - finding Carnival 60% at fault. She has now been awarded $300,000 in compensation.
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Quadruple Amputee Nazi Cornhole Player and Murder
TMZ@TMZ
😳 EXCLUSIVE: Dayton Webber -- the quadruple amputee and professional cornhole player suspected of fatally shooting another man in his car -- continues to be in the hot seat as more disturbing content of him surfaces.
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