#CaptCapicola

The results of my subpoena of Congress’s sexual harassment slush fund are in. Nine members. One thousand pages. All records prior to 2004 were destroyed - which tells you everything you need to know about how long this has been buried. We are reviewing every page. We will name all nine. We will release the full 1,000 pages - once we confirm that personally identifiable information of victims and witnesses has been properly redacted. Accountability is not a threat. It is a promise.

@meghann_23 I've been asking myself that in the mirror for years

Why so sexy if so dumb??? And how survive the earth so long????

@MetsWes @CheffBoiiRDee @NJD107_

Mayor @RudyGiuliani devoted his life to this city, from his days as a federal prosecutor to leading New York through 9/11. He was there when we needed him most. I’m praying for Rudy and his family and hoping for a full recovery. We shared a cigar in Florida not too long ago. I’m saving one for when you’re back home, my friend.

…ummm I got questions! 🤨

@ShaunWasRight @MetsWes @NJD107_ Probably from the hookers

@MetsWes @CheffBoiiRDee @NJD107_ I assume his heart stopped beating

You clearly dont understand how long it takes to build a bridge lol especially one of that span. Go take a lap

@MetsWes @NJD107_ Cocaine and hookers. A Real American

@CheffBoiiRDee @NJD107_ How do you think Billy Mays died?

@NJD107_ @MetsWes Wear a respirator next time, im not kidding. That shit is BAD. I took a hazmat class thru the union a few years back and we spent 8 hrs on that alone

@MetsWes @CheffBoiiRDee I just used it on the pvc pipe by my pool filter… shit smelled like a nuclear power plant

@NJD107_ That stuff is DANGEROUS to ingest lol the MSDS are scary

@CheffBoiiRDee Flex seal and call it a day

Kamala Harris

@ShaunWasRight Which one are you a member of?

@CheffBoiiRDee I can’t wait for the email telling me what I get in the csa this week

You know you’re washed when you find yourself looking forward to seeing the produce and butcher at the farmers market - it was delightful, but also I’m so washed

To my Muslim friends, I hear some of you want to live in Japan. Let me be honest with you. More than half of our ramen shops use pork broth. Even convenience-store rice balls often contain pork extract. Summer brings shrine festivals, autumn brings rituals, New Year means a visit to a shrine. When someone dies, we cremate them. And refusing a drink? That’s not really part of our culture — here, people pour one for you. This isn’t hostility. It’s just 1,500 years of daily life. And we have no plans to change it. Before you come to a place that doesn’t fit you, please — think it through carefully. For your sake, and ours.

If he gets a word in it'll be a major Italian victory

@meghann_23 Totally agree

@CheffBoiiRDee imagination is good for the brain

Guys I’m looking cute as fuck rn reading outside in my lil sweatsuit & dad hat under a little blanket

@meghann_23 I suppose ill just use the ol' imagination

@CheffBoiiRDee I don’t have to you know it’s true

The average US mortgage is $250,000 at 7% over 30 years. Total repayment? $598,000. You borrow $250K and pay back $598K. $348,000 straight to the bank. For nothing. Then you pay to fix up the house. Stuff breaks. You pay insurance monthly. Property taxes every year. 3–6% in realtor fees when you sell. And we act like renting is throwing money away. There is a strong argument for renting.

If you laid 2.4 million years of human evolution across the 24 hours of a clock: We've been eating red meat for 24 hours. We've been eating grains for 6 minutes. We've been eating seed oils for 4 seconds. And we're being told, with a straight face, that the chronic disease epidemic which appeared in the last 4 seconds is caused by the food we've been eating for the entire 24 hours. The diseases arrived with the seed oils. The grains. The sugar. The processed convenience food. The meat was here the whole time. Watching the rest of it move in.