Chloe

@Hunter_Collins Lol

Pierre Poilievre looks like he thinks women pee out their “front-bum”.

@Hunter_Collins Hahahaha

As kids we're offered an oyster or blue cheese and go “it’s stinkyyy.” You grow up, it's like “can I have a plate of everything that tastes of pussy, ass and feet, please? If you could melt the feet OVER the pussy, that’d be great. I need my burps to smell like a Salvation Army."

@Hunter_Collins Lol

Shit, man. Fuckin’ Queen owed me 30 bucks.

@Adam5Walker Lol

@Hunter_Collins Lol so true

It’s always the dumbest shit that drives couples apart. Like how many kingdoms do you think have crumbled because the guy turned on the dishwasher when the dishes inside were already clean?

Can’t believe we even have to say this, but: if you just went to the Senate floor and blocked benefits for veterans exposed to toxic burn pits while serving our country in a war zone, you are wrong.

My new album, “Hunter Collins Goes to Hell” comes out August 12 from @ComedyRecords! It’s everything that’ll land you in the fiery below: science, horror, sex and free love! Join me for some comedy for sinners…

Love this cover! It’s alive.

I believed wrestling was real and I believed you would Razor’s Edge a guy in a real fight. Leave a bar, get in a scuffle… Sharpshooter submission. Then put your snake on the guy.

I’m always gushing about my girlfriend @Sentenska_Lenka’s spider research so it’s no surprise @TheAtlantic interviewed her about it. Read the lewd and gory details here, including the passage, “transferring sperm into the female as they’re being consumed”! theatlantic.com/science/archiv…

I haven’t had tacos this authentic since I was a dope-runner for Chancho Bustamante in Juarez. Thanks, Seattle Airport!

Overheard at Seattle Airport: Tired Girl: I’m sleepless in Seattle! Man Who Looks Like Lives In Tree: Is that a song, or?… Tired Girl: It’s a movie. It’s about love sort of.

Me when I moved to Toronto: “I’d never buy a home where somebody was murdered.” Me now: “I hope the kids and dog were slain and the cupboards speak Latin too so we can shave another hundred Gs off this mother.”

There’s a loud animal chittering coming from the bushes everywhere you go in Houston. I’ve narrowed it down to 4 possibilities: 1. Junebug 2. Squirrel 3. Rattlesnake 4. Junkie sucking meth outta their tooth-cracks

The #climatecrisis affects all, over 50% of Americans are concerned about it, but don’t know how to discuss it. Empower your climate action by joining @CLEOInstitute Speakers Network, an online program to build climate communication. Register:⁠ bit.ly/CLEOCSN

Guys will literally rather have enough money to pay for your rent than go to therapy.

A 27-year-old Black man says Montreal police snatched his phone and deleted a recording of their intervention — a Charter violation at minimum and possibly a violation of privacy law. Luckily, for him, they couldn't completely destroy the evidence. rover.substack.com/p/guilty-until…

Once, a guy fucked the crease between my thigh and labia, thinking he was in my vagina, and when he finished he asked if I got off. I had to break it to him that he just fucked my leg. This is what I think of when men act like they’re equipped to make laws about women’s bodies.

Police open investigations into 2003 and 2018 Canadian world junior teams thestar.com/sports/hockey/… via @torontostar “group sexual assault”??!! Is that how we’re downplaying it now? Gang rape: the words are violent to match the heinous act.

"They have no character, no honor, no integrity." - Michael Fanone on GOP lawmakers *Fanone was dragged by a mob, beaten with pipes, stunned with a Taser and threatened with his own gun during the U.S. Capitol attack and had a heart attack.