Chlse_

Flying a passenger jet, I once let my co-pilot take a nap. Shortly after, I fell asleep myself. Nobody was flying the plane for at least 20 minutes. Thank fuck for auto-pilot, eh?

@Aiannucci @Chlse_ From the same government that brought us Brexit and austerity.

@sus_elena @Jacxdad3376 That's it

@Jacxdad3376 Both run businesses. He sells drugs, she does nails & lashes twice a month to rinse the cash ✅

Brutal But funny

I'm four months behind on my reports at work, but I spent today working out how many men I'd have to suck off to get my daily recommended protein. It'd take 33 hours a day. Not worth it.

@luke_vassor @fesshole Nooo you're not 🤣

@fesshole I’m unfollowing this page

Caught short on a shopping trip and the toilets were out of order, I had to craftily sit on the edge of a planter holding my skirt at the back and shit into it. I still fear CCTV finding me, to make matters worse the plants were plastic.

@zaberto @jayrad198900 @fesshole Oh look, a man has an opinion.

@jayrad198900 @fesshole It’s the latter.

We've been the most vanilla couple in bed for 24 years, 2 weeks ago wife gave me a blow job, no warning, no explanation. Can't help thinking somethings up.

@fesshole You're the embarrassment.

As a child my son played chess competitively. I told him I was proud of him, but on the inside I wished he played football. Being a chess parent was the worst -- long tournaments that made me want to poke my eyes out and the embarrassment of having a son not interested in sport.

@fesshole Honestly thought the last line was "absolutely would do it again"

I had a fantasy about having sex in my husband's white van, so we tried it, uncomfortable and echoed like hell, it rocked like a mad thing and the smell of paint made me puke. Absolutely wouldn't do it again.

@Yossari99194539 @_Octaviaan @fesshole git

@_Octaviaan @fesshole Should it be gotted or maybe gat

For 2 years I've gotten a train and chatted every morning with a fellow passenger, even car pooled in when trains were cancelled. She's retired now so I won't see her again. I never asked her name so I now miss someone I can't even name.

@AnnaMacPhoenix @_Octaviaan @fesshole I hate 'of' instead of 'with' 😡

@fesshole Noooo they didn't 🤣🤣🤣

Bought a massive 18 inch arse dildo but had to bring it with me on business trip to evade my wife's snooping whilst gone. My worst nightmare manifested when the x-ray airport security in Prague gathered round and gasped at what was in my carry on baggage.

@turkeygruel @KatyLancaster19 @RachelG21879460 👍 👍

@KatyLancaster19 @RachelG21879460 I only posted this at lunchtime today! It's "our" twitter.com/turkeygruel/st…

Please help settle a debate between me and my husband. Remember the chocolate club advert, what where the words in the song. Was it 'if you like alot of chocolate on your biscuit join OUR club' or 'if you like alot of chocolate on your biscuit join A club'

@KatyLancaster19 I thought it was A club but I'm a massive idiot 🤣🤣🤣

JK Rowling is fully consumed by hate. She is entirely lost to hate.

@DundeeGooner14 @petemorristwit Racists gonna racist.

@petemorristwit As a Scotsman I have started to support the 🇬🇧 more these days with the mass invasion of dirty immigrants taking over... Now more than ever Brits need to come together and fly your national and the 🇬🇧 with PRIDE

If you don't fully support the British Union Jack as your national flag, I suggest you fuck off somewhere else on the planet. Yes it's fine to have your Welsh, Scott, NI flags, but as a National symbol of collective Great Britain, The Union Jack can never be replaced.

@DundeeGooner14 @petemorristwit Dirty immigrants? I’d rather live next to immigrants than nasty racists like you. Racists are the lowest of the low.

Women. Women would not love the idea. It's bad enough even now!!

Creative Industries make up 6% of our economy. That’s more than car and oil industries together. They employ 2.3million people. To cut funding for creative arts at university level is fudge-brained, cack-hearted thinking pitched very much at the highest level of economic self-harm. theguardian.com/education/2024…