Graham Pitkin

The Labour Bloodbath Begins. JonathanPie.com

@JonathanPieNews if you see Sid, tell him

The first time Louis Walsh looked some tone-deaf kid from Hull dead in the eyes and said "you’re like a young Robbie Williams" and the entire country started hammering premium rate phone lines like it was going out of fashion.

@Freya_Von_Doom Poo tin (Dobby lookalike) is a massive cunt 🇺🇦

I haven’t tried Russian pussy yet… tag your favorite Russian babes I’m hungry 😏🍽️😈

@C4Countdown @Channel4 @ColinMurray @susie_dent @RachelRileyRR Watching on catch-up. For your opening discussion on stationery, every subtitle is giving us 'stationary'. Tut tut.

Reverend Kate Bottley's romantic date didn't quite go to plan..... Join us today on @Channel4 at 2:10pm with Reverend Kate Bottley, @ColinMurray,@susie_dent and @RachelRileyRR Countdown | Mon-Fri | 2.10pm on Channel 4

@GaryDelaney Does the last line mean that foreigners can't attend?

Another joke from a work in progress show that didn’t make it into the new tour. I really like this joke but I could never quite make it work despite lots of tinkering so here it is. My new tour is on the road and is coming somewhere near you (if you’re British or Irish)

Nigels' Dodgy Donations. JonathanPie.com

@rewindtvuk Who Dares Wins

@rewindtvuk Absolutely It is, it's TRUE!

@MichelleMoist I refuse to fall for your trap xxx (kisses on the bottom)

Does my bum look big in these

@richardosman What does 'pre-order' mean?

The paperback of the fifth 'Thursday Murder Club' novel, #TheImpossibleFortune is nearly here! Pre-order from any of your favourite bookshops!

@susie_dent What does 'pre-order' mean?

Delighted to announce this.

@MockTheWeek So the watershed has been moved from 9pm to 9:10?

@ChonjiGraham When a show transmits at 9pm any F words in the first 10 minutes should be removed or bleeped

45 minute warning: Series 1 of Mock the Week on TLC ends with a special at 9pm tonight. Best of, out-takes, new stuff…you know the score. Don’t miss it. Oh and thanks to everyone who has watched over the last 9 weeks and helped make our comeback a success. See you again soon 👍

@danielmarkhurst @jacquijdesigns @RealTimVine @LlewelynBowen Jacqui Joseph was a winner, but not a champion

Here's how this week's champions fared the last time they were in the #HouseOfGames! It's anybody's game!

@jimmycarr Luxurious seating

Prank calling a superfan while his wife has a front row seat! Get tour tickets: brnw.ch/21x0V2A

@C4Countdown @Channel4 @Nicki_Chapman @ColinMurray @susie_dent @RachelRileyRR Science isn't arbitrary you muppet

In today's special episode of Countdown we wave goodbye to winter and say hello to spring! We're back to our usual time of 2.10pm on @Channel4 with @Nicki_Chapman, @ColinMurray, @susie_dent and @RachelRileyRR Countdown | Mon-Fri | 2.10pm on Channel 4 #Countdown

@rewindtvuk 24

Keir Starmer today officially announced he would not fondle Trump's balls.

A few days ago we were pussies, he didn't need or want our help and he'd already won this war. Turns out...he's thick as fuck, endangered us all, had no idea what he was getting all us into and, above all, he's a massive cunt. Who knew!

@QuestTV when is MotoGP on?