A L I

Musk didn’t invent Tesla, he bought it Musk didn’t invent SpaceX, he bought it Musk didn’t invent Starlink, he bought it Musk didn’t invent “X,” he bought it Musk didn’t invent Trump, he bought him

Cuz also… look at my new rig 🥹

So what if I….. started streaming again?

@AmericanDadLive That’s like when I used to post anonymously to those missed connections pages about myself to see who else got a crush on me 👀

My new favorite thing is to anonymously post in my neighborhood's Facebook page complaining about my own property to see who else wants to talk shit.

At some point, this has to be illegal. Incitement to violence cannot continue to exist like this.

@PoidaSmall I’m so angry. The flight isn’t even full and it’s an Airbus and so much bigger than the one we flew here on.

@Cinerdella @Delta Trying for the upsell on bigger (unnecessary) kennel, or just trying to get you off the flight because they oversold tickets. These billion dollar comoanies gotta make ends meet somehow

Cmon @Delta…. Return trip and you tell me my dog can’t fit in her kennel?? You watched her stand and turn around multiple times - comfortably might I add - and still wanted to kick me off. We’re well within regulations and you almost stranded us. 😡

@thequippster @kimpetras SLAY OMG

can’t wait to see you tonight queen!!! @kimpetras 🤍🤍🤍

@DJTILA who eats only one slice??

Dude…this was me at the regionals

@JToyts @AmericanDadLive I think it's also a control fetish. Everything is a fetish

Bro, we are in such a content drought that people are resorting to acting like real NPCs... send help. please. anyone.

@AmericanDadLive shiiii they making bag tho

@ClassyKatie I just moved to an area infested with them. Never had to deal with them before. It’s a nightmare 😭

It's DAY OFF DAY and on this most holy of days, let's take a moment to curse foxtails These little fucks will imbed themselves into ANYTHING, including your fur babies flesh😡 KILL THEM. take your joy 😘

a doctor's office asked me to fill out a form and fax it to them. fax? FAX?!

@jtrebach I did this as a kid once. Put blush on my cheeks and everyone thought I was flushed. I was too embarrassed to tell the truth so I just went with it. I got to go home 🤷‍♀️

*phone rings in middle of the night* me: *answers phone* hey this is josh with toxicology doc: hey josh we have a kid here with cyanosis, blue tongue, blue lips—uhh hold on a sec *whispering in background* me: ? doc: nvm they had a blue jolly rancher bye

Post your relationship status using a mem only

@JohannAffendy @lucyj_ford dont you look stupid

@Cinerdella @lucyj_ford

the fact he's called 'and ken' 😭

@JohannAffendy @lucyj_ford

@lucyj_ford Ken is his surname. Ya’ll need to read up on the barbie lore.

@PicturesFoIder I don't

How do you do it?

@therealleanbeef hail beef

Someone said “it’s just the lighting”… I gained 20LBS but okay 🥲🙏