Classic Dad Bod

Poor form @Kalshi I'm still not sure how you didn't mark this as a win for me. #fcm #FuturesTrading

This is rough to watch, Tyson just looks old and slow. #TysonPaul

Been working on overnight potty training with my 5 year old, the kid has the aim of a storm trooper in the morning. #dadlife

What's the going rate for the tooth fairy? First tooth, front and center. #dadlife

I'm thinking about starting a union for parents that build #Sandcastles to protect from the oppression of kids and for better work conditions. I've been digging for hours only for my 4 year old to knock everything over and fill the hole. #dadlife #beachlife

Just had a pillow fight with my wife and 4 year old. She fish hooked me, I bit her finger and my son jumped off the top of the couch with a cushion...we go hard #dadlife

While driving my wife told me that she had to pee really bad, but then she saw a Christmas store and has been inside for a half hour with no complaints.

My son turns 4 this week, during nighttime negotiations I'm playing checkers while he's playing chess. #dadlife he's getting too smart

@DanSoder looks like you're about to lose that ticket hookup @TheBonfireSXM

3 year old (holding a stud finder): "Daddy what's this?" Me: That's how Mommy finds Daddy #dadlife

Anxiety is watching my wrecking ball toddler around our decorated Christmas tree. We've lost 5 ornaments this year so far.

I have 2 little kids and a wife, the only reason I go into the office is to poop in peace. #dadlife

My 3 year old wanted me to pull him on his sled. I told him there's no snow. So naturally we negotiated and I dragged him around the yard on the sled #dadlife

My 3 year old is now pointing out "old ladies" whenever he sees them so needless to say shopping is a new experience. #dadlife

My 3 year old is watching a kids dinosaur show on YouTube featuring a guy that definitely starred in a kitchen scene with @chrishansen #DadLife

I'm almost 40 and after I eat a banana in my car I still throw it out the window like I'm passing Mario Kart #NintendoGeneration #maturity

The price of gas keeps going up, pretty soon I'm not gonna be and to afford to drive till my kids fall asleep.

I just had to light a match after my 3 year old pooped in the bathroom. I'm not sure if I should be proud or concerned #dadlife

I've spent the last 20 minutes teaching my 2.5 year old to say "I'm awesome" because... well, why not? #DadLife @PaternityFrat

As the parent of a toddler I have found a new unit of measurement. My in-laws live 3 Hakuna Matatas away. #SongOnRepeat #parenting #DadLife