Comedy Groupie

@mattruby It's facts!

Thank you, @ComedyGroupie

It’s weird that the only thing that tanks the stock market is people having jobs. #BankCrash

Ladies, not sure if you’re into bad boys but I haven’t changed any of my clocks yet today.

@AndyFiori Same 🫏 Clearly we are superior intelligence both sides brain people

What does donkey get me

I hate having to admit I once lived in RI, but I'm oddly proud of having the same phone number since 2006

Seriously, forget the Marvel bod, no way Chris Pratt could do this

Literally the only thing I care about from tonight's Oscars

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 THIS 🔥🔥🦁🦁🏹🏹

I've always thought it's funny, the amount of emotional manipulation that goes into a surprise party. "Wow Julie, looks like, no one remembered your birthday...." Thanks, you are a great friend, or raging narcissist.

Tennessee just banned drag shows but the KKK and other white supremacy groups can meet freely. A drag queen has never called me a ni99er.

The Mexican Cartel apologizes better than Elon Musk.

@RobbySlowik Sounds like a great idea.. but just spitballing here... What if we charged them crippling amounts of money to do so? 🚕

They should just drive around the city and let people flag them down as needed

Friends from home are like : Moving to NYC from Iowa and seeking an apartment! me and huz don’t need much, just a 2 bedroom with washer dryer and an outdoor space for our 5 purebred St. Bernard rescues. Under $1200 a must!

Americans thinking 20% of Americans make a million dollars a year might be the wildest one. No wonder no one want to raise taxes, we all think we have a 1-in-5 chance of being signed to play Special Teams for the Raiders

@NotAlexis God damn!! 🙌🙌🙌

We done made it 🙏❤️

@JonoZalay Are you recruiting for a cult?

I wish my phone knew when I'd had too much coffee and could just put a content warning on all my texts.

@SelenaCoppock So fancy!

@stuartbthompson 😘

@ComedyGroupie YEP

I'm sure someone needs to hear this right now: You CAN find a boss who pays you what you're worth and respects your time Pro tip: They are more likely to be a woman.

@SoCalFranchize No but it's statistically more prevalent amongst the XYs

@ComedyGroupie Pro tip: I’ve worked for more than a few women who dicked me over. Turns out scumbag behavior isn’t gender specific.