MATT RUBY

“The best emailed comedy newsletter coming from anyone today." -Robert Bostick, HumorPoint 📰 mattruby.substack.com

Wait until Trump finds out how much people who try ibogaine don't approve of him.

We should have more respect for spidey sense. Katt talked about n**** spidey sense. Jews talk a lot these days about their Jewy spidey sense. We may not all have the same fears/threats, but if you want someone to respect your intergenerational trauma-based spidey sense, then...

A fun prank is to walk up to a totally normal couple out to dinner and whisper, “I adore Love on the Spectrum. I’m so happy for you guys.”

Ricky Gervais: “I’ll take on any view to make the joke funniest. I’ll pretend to be right wing. I’ll pretend to be left wing. I’ll pretend to be clever. I’ll pretend to be stupid. Whatever makes the joke funnier, without prejudice.” buff.ly/8wq4qqn

@JillFilipovic I've never seen a Jew train a dog ever lol

I get why people are mad at the Kristof column, which contained many explosive claims. However, isn't the answer to do a full and impartial investigation of the prisons where so many claims of abuse, torture, and sexual assault have occurred?

I ❤️ Brian Regan. “Let’s say you have five hundred people in the audience. Who has the ability to connect to five hundred individuals? Instead, you try to make that group one thing. And then I just try to make that one thing laugh.” More: funnyhow.substack.com/p/brian-regans…

I’ve literally never seen a Jew train a dog. 😎

No one likes donning the mask of moral superiority more than illiterate fools.

NY Times published that Jews drink the blood of Christian babies…but don’t worry, it’s an opinion piece. Phew. 😅

empathy, compassion, and understanding. social media hates 'em all sooooooo much.

we live in an age of tribalism. but my tribe is people who don't wanna be in a tribe. and this explains so much about why i am where i am.

I think my destiny is to be big in England. Now I just need a way to alert the British. Some kinda Paul Revere in reverse situation. 🔔 “The Ruby is coming!” 🔔

@nickgillespie @JonHaidt @benryanwriter "I'm offended that you said I'm easily offended!"

FFS, NYU students can't not become self-parodies given half a chance. I have many disagreements w @JonHaidt but would have welcomed him as a graduation speaker. Few have done more to expand good intellectual diversity and ferment in academia. Let him speak! HT @benryanwriter

@GunnelsWarren What a bargain! For comparison's sake: If your net worth is $100,000, the proportional equivalent to elect the President would be $35.

Can't stop thinking about Elon Musk, the wealthiest man alive worth $828 billion, spending $290 million to elect Trump, becoming $563 billion richer since Trump was elected and ending humanitarian aid that will lead to the deaths of 4.5 million of the poorest kids on the planet.

...or move to Austin and do standup! 😜

To me, this is the most impressive Michael Jordan stat: "From November 1990 until his second retirement in 1998, Michael Jordan's Chicago Bulls never lost three consecutive games."

You can't keep fighting the last war while wondering why you're not winning this one.

White people are all about saunas but don't know about bongos.

Do you view yourself as a tree or as a member of the forest? The answer determines so much else about your worldview, behavior, and incentives.

We treat shrooms/aya/etc like GLP-1s for the brain. And while I ❤️ psych*delics, I dislike how they're positioned as a quickie life hack. "Flip the switch" and you're no longer an addict, depressed, PTSD, etc. Let's get real: Actual change usually comes with time/effort.