Matt The Window Cleaner 💙

Just smashed middle age!! Came home from work and lay in a hot bath listening to this! open.spotify.com/album/4sb0eMpD…

@THORPEPARK any chance you could make this process any slower?? #joke #embarrassment

So, Twitter/X/Musk & Trump Platform has become a complete cesspit of human cuntery! If it’s not a stream of OnlyFans bots, adverts for utter shite or knuckle dragging raciest w@nkers, it’s now two muppets with faces moulded out of Play-dough peddling nonsense! App deleted! ✌🏼🖕🏼

@anon_opin All the paperwork would be boring though

There should be a Grand Theft Auto style game where you play as the police instead of the criminals. There hasn't been a decent policing game since L.A Noire was released 13 years ago.

@anon_opin Was only thinking that earlier today when I took my dinner out of the oven with my Joy Division oven gloves

Snuggling Half Man Hall Biscuit lyrics unnoticed and unchallenged into group chats is one of life's most exquisite pleasures

@TaylorMod Well, to be fair, he had a longer reach and superior footwork

@TaylorMod Update: just found out it’s available to rent from Amazon Prime TV for £0.99 at the moment!

@TaylorMod An absolute classic! Loved it! Just a shame that it is never on the TV and so few have ever heard of it!

One of the best films your ever see Pure class

@greg_ashman And it was always bloody cold!

When I was a child and we went to the swimming pool I used to have to walk through a shallow pool of disinfectant or something and I’ve mentioned this to my family and they don’t believe me. Was this a thing?

@fesshole Oh we do when we get to a certain age!! Believe me! We also stop wearing light coloured trousers as well!

Woman here. I was today years old when I realised that men dont wipe after urinating. Yuck.

@ATRightMovies This is the best, nothing else is close

What's the greatest "I'm dead and I know it" moment in movies?

@jamiesmart Would never have guessed that! Best one I’ve heard is: Which sport can only be played right handed?

Here was a question on the pub quiz which had us all stumped: in which sport are the winning team moving backwards?

@CarverEmily I can’t understand why people can’t use these bottles? It’s really not that hard! Unscrew, lift the top off until it’s horizontal. It literally clicks into place! No problem at all! Seriously, have a rest

I never used to spill my Diet Coke… that was until these new EU regulated bottle caps came into power. Now I spill it every day. It can’t just be me??

@TaylorMod Reposts, racism and “read this thread” posts! What happened

Twitter has really gone down hill I don’t see anything from people I follow unless I search for them But I see clips of still cunts running about with knifes people getting trapped in machines at work and girls with there kebabs out promoting OF 🤣🤣

Today's Twitter Poll: Would you (or have you in recent years) knowingly & deliberately overclaim benefits, underpay tax, or take from shops without paying? This is on back of a govt report saying 1 in 5 people can now be classed as having "low integrity" thetimes.com/uk/crime/artic… (paywall)

@andyl_14 @anon_opin Most definitely crossed paths! Probably on the longest staircase to the toilet in the world!

@CowenMatt @anon_opin Was probably there myself late 90s early 00s most weekends to start the night - always offer to get the first round in at Wetherspoons

Wetherspoons gets far too much stick. Their food and drinks are reasonably priced and their pubs are often in interesting old buildings. It's just snobbery that gives them a bad name.

@JamieIrishRed It’s all about the bounce, I think. He went low but the bounce took it higher than expected. To react to that in the split second makes it a world class save.

Am I the only one that thinks this is a pretty standard save?

@andyl_14 @anon_opin That was our first stop every Friday and Saturday night! Was actually a great starting point in the ‘90s!

@anon_opin There are very nice ones and some pretty awful ones The Monks Retreat in Reading will always be the place I first drink in a pub - aged 16 when you just had to say you were 18 to get served

@thedailyjaws Obviously it’s Alien! Which is basically Jaws in space

#Jaws and ...... for the perfect #movie double bill!

@RealBobMortimer Definitely wall mounted TV, the aerial socket is next to it.

Highest wall socket I've seen in a while. Could be wall mounted air con or maybe a plug in downflow heater. Very frustrating not knowing the origin story

@RossKemp I’m feeling confident that whatever happens you’ll drop a crazy video later! 😂😂

How are we all feeling? 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 #EURO2024 #SPAENG