So was Red

*Political Tweet* Everyone in GB should vote conservative because when the homeless can’t afford medical care it will be hilarious.

@curlymalloy Time doesn’t exist

@dregvader @TheRock @Hayliam2006 @NotsoScarySheri @jadapsmith @Beautif90012432 @SensitivityFree @Jenni_77 @Taeler_Hendrix @justgrowncold @Allboys4me3 @BeckyLynchWWE @MyMom How do you know I’m not a woman? Was it the duck pic I dm’d you?

@Crap_Portraits BBC impartiality at its best.

Wow, that’s not even a pretense of impartiality “He So deserves” twitter.com/YourFriendZipp…

@geraintgriffith After the general election that’s what everyone will have under the tories

My children asked for a traditional Victorian Christmas so I've given them a 90 hour working week and rickets.

Someone's whipped a hell of a lot of cream!

Newsnight doing a piece on fake news, citing the child on the coats in A&E story. They were particularly careful to avoid mentioning their most senior journalist, (I believe, inadvertently) helped to spread the later fake news punch story.

@1fragmentedmind Is your bed really high or is your ceiling really low?

Everyone loves cosy... ‘Flannel day’!❤️

@TheFaceOfDave The fall won’t kill you. The landing will smart a tad

@GlennyRodge Pending news articles “The NHS supports Work dodgers with sick notes” “Boris glorious leader” and “Kick a homeless person for a tenner”

@Okeating I work with a guy who has about 20 brews a day, I’m perpetually drinking tea. It’s hell.

It's baffling that nobody's ever filmed a tearjerker about a person who goes to take a drink of their tea, only to discover that they've already finished it. #Tragedy

@dregvader I accidentally enjoyed one once, sorry

@SensitivityFree I’m not sure, isn’t there one called Bumder?

Twitter is the best social media platform. Change my mind. 🧐🤷‍♂️

@marksandspencer You’ve really lost your place M&S £12 for bread pudding? What are you playing at? Who’s in charge of your marketing dept?

Infused with orange liqueur and covered with dark chocolate and nuts, our Chocolate, Cranberry & Orange Panettone is made in Italy and an absolute must this Christmas. Pick it up for £12, serves 8 (although we think you’ll want to eat it all yourself).

@Januarymist @GlennyRodge @Woozle_Taffy We used to take the thermostat bezel off and replace it 10 degrees clockwise so when you think it’s 30 it’s 20. Nowadays we have an app to control the heating. We are invincible!

@GlennyRodge @Woozle_Taffy “DO NOT TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT!! All the rooms are balanced” And they were using the digital thermometer he had made. All the same temperature (coolish!) whether we were using them or not. Still terrified to touch my thermostats!!! 😂

"Welcome to Dads Club. Before we beg...wait, who left that door open? So, I'm paying to heat the street now, am I?" *gets standing ovation*

@GlennyRodge Turn the big light off

@adorableinNE Are you quick at typing?

If I ever have sex again I’m going to live tweet during it.