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๐๐ฟ๐๐๐๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฎ ๐ฉต๐๐ชป โฆ ๐๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ง๐๐ฅ-๐ โฆ@CrystaraVTยท
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Iโm not really fond of secrecy followed by a sudden announcement (this may or may not come as a shock since how long this has lasted already) but Iโve been heavily considering retiring if not going on a several month real hiatus.
I wonโt be graduating as Crystara because thatโs not quite how I work. I was always going to be Crystara whether I streamed or not, because sheโs core to my very soul and I wonโt let anything change that. Iโll be me, and everything I dream to be. Itโs the acceptance and love of friends that have made that dream come true and helped me find love in myself and who I am spiritually.
Iโve been in a constant battle of burning myself out to keep going while also somehow also being constantly on breaks.
Itโs really hurt being told I reap what I sow taking time off when I havenโt truly stopped at any point.
They havenโt been breaks, theyโve been me poorly confessing I canโt keep up with a full time job, therapy, active streaming as well as projects outside. Iโd have to leave the stage to work on my designs, commissions and events, debuts taking so much time and setting unrealistically high expectations.
Iโve been trying my absolute hardest to make everything work and Iโve finally gone lax on streaming, being present, and an inspiring VTuber. Iโve taken it off my mind to not only relax but face some scary life choices and protect my dearest relationship.
If thereโs at least a chance to healthily continue streaming, I think it comes with opening up about this and accepting whatever follows. I canโt keep setting expectations to be perfect when Iโm not.
I experimented in the past with breaking my schedule (and being very dramatic about it) at the worst time when it was because I simply couldnโt do it. Personally, Iโve relatively found little cost in diverging from the routine of schedule and itโs removed pressure to be free, fit, prepared and excitable for streams and the shame of cancelling and give a positive approach to making good streams happen rather than cancelling bad ones.
I will be looking to take lots of time out and should I continue streaming, weโll try something akin to now.
I talk about it a lot but perfectionism can be a real bane to living when it tells you to be 100% perfect 100% of the time or youโre nothing. Accept that your spirit and drive is wonderful and you care about what you do. Youโve probably worked incredibly hard to get where you are and not been fair on yourself to look back and see how far youโve come. Cherish and donโt see your past successes be disappointed, see them happy you achieved what you have and support yourself.
I love you flowers, especially for sticking through so much with me. ๐ฉต
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