Buntaro is an Evertonian

Scousers Are Utter Scumbags After seeing what happened to Fred & Young Mong yesterday in Liverpool it brought back memories of my one and only visit to that shithole It’s never 1 vs 1 with these depraved anti white scumbags

Kneecap are saving Cuba from the imperialist US! The suitcase of expired drugs they brought with them is being divided up amongst the nation as we speak. (We can confirm categorically that none of the drugs are being sold on the black market) Kneecap are taking multiple photos and videos on their non capitalist phones to show the world the everyday reality of life in Cuba. They're sharing raw footage of life in a true Marxist-Leninist country. They assured me that all Israeli technology was deleted/disabled on their devices prior to arrival. I sat down with the stunning and brave trio for a quick chat in their elegantly appointed suite in the five star Gran Hotel in downtown Havana. “We stand in full solidarity with our Cuban comrades” Mo Chara says as he picks delicately from the charcuterie board in front of us. He offers me a chilled sparkling water as we relax in the air conditioned comfort of the fifth floor “We are here to experience the real Cuba” he added. The Cuban regime has generously donated several million kilowatts of electricity so they can provide this unique glance into Cuban life. A source stated it was important for Kneecap to sing and dance with their new friends and he confirmed that no surgeries were cancelled in the local hospital to facilitate the party atmosphere. While water pipes to the hotel have been reinforced to ensure the boys enjoy uninterrupted hot showers in between the hectic press conferences and sold out shows, sources say no other special arrangements were necessary for their visit. However the trio felt they just had to give a shout out to their personal chef Alejandro. His masterful gourmet creations are made from the abundance of organic produce available in the local market, daily. The boys have been able to continue their high protein, gluten free, lacto ovo diet and thankfully, haven't had to skip their morning oatmilk lattes on the balcony. “Mucha gracia Alejandro”, Moglai cheered. “He's such a lad”, Mo Chara added with a wry smile. A statement issued by Kneecaps management reiterated they stand in full solidarity with their Cuban comrades. “It's important we get that across,” said DJ Provai as he maneuvered a black olive through the slit of his balaclava. “We're here to help our Cuban comrades resist the evil of the imperial US empire” he added while fist bumping Mo Chara. The statement issued earlier by Daniel Lambert reminded the world that Israel will NOT be playing any football matches in Cuba during Kneecaps visit. He confirmed the Grand Hotel Cuba will remain a Jew free zone for the entire visit. “I called ahead to make sure we wouldn't be bothered by any of them during our stay. It ruins the boys' mojo” he said. Kneecaps devices remain charged 100% at all times and like the rest of Cuba, their reliable, cheap internet connection allows them to stream uninterrupted content for their millions of fans worldwide. No-one misses out when Mr Lambert is on the job! DJ Provai specifically wanted to thank the hotel's maid service who have gone to great lengths to launder, iron and fold his keffiyeh daily. “I love wrapping myself in Iraqi culture in the mornings” he said. Meanwhile himself and Moglai Bap have had a bit of a giggle at the many unusual names of the locals. “We met a guy today called Juan Carlos Rodriguez. Have you ever heard anything so mad?” Bap said, guffawing uproariously with his mates Mo and DJ. It's been a long day for the famous trio and they're worn out. They decide they'll have a quick dip in the rooftop infinity pool before returning to their suite for their typical five course Cuban dinner, prepared by their new friend Alejandro. It's hard saving a country from US imperialism but Kneecap are on the job. Their support act Elbow were unavailable for comment at this time but we were assured by their manager Arse that they  “stand in full solidarity with our Cuban comrades”. They are simply head and shoulders above the rest.  ¡Viva la Revolución!

New cover photo 😉

A message from our captain to you…