DurpeeNewsNetwork

DNN Q&A: Even on April 1st, DNN is committed to nothing but reporting the truth. To showcase that, the DNN team will be doing a 24 hour Q&A where we will be answering most of your questions honestly. Comment below if you have any questions to ask us!

@DhillDucks Reporter with DNN here. Is it true that VictorLee Scamshop is a subsidiary of Polymarket and funnels its earnings directly into the pocket of Baz? -T

Reminder to the Overwatch Population: VictorLee is called ScammerLee FOR A REASON! HE SCAMS PEOPLE. HE WILL TAKE YOUR MONEY AND USE IT ON UMA MUSUME AND BLUEBERRIES AND GREEK YOGURT #ScammerLee #TwelfthForShaq #Shaqinoff12th

RUMOR: TM Expedition After the Grand Finals loss to Crazy Raccoons, Twisted Minds staff intend to sign Juan Ponce De Leon to the org to locate the Fountain of Youth. Without the magical fountain, it is unlikely Funnyastro will survive his 3 year contract. Source: King Charles I

@T0MMATHAN Reporter with DNN here. We would like to remind the Overwatch community that every Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle has a Master Splinter too. Thank you for your contributions, Durpee! -T

The big 4.

PSA: Orgs vs. Companies Are you having a hard time finding a job but still want to work with irresponsible people, predators, scammers, and general low-lives? Good news! You can simply join an Overwatch team with an “Org.” It’ll be exactly the same but worse! Source: Anonymous

@Spacestation @sugarfreeOW @AdmiralRaptr @Lethal_ow @ultraviolet_ow @ChrisTFerOW Reporter from DNN here. Is it true that SSG intentionally sandbags majors to avoid violating a non-compete signed after migrating regions? -T

. they say you can’t win ‘em all… it wasn’t our time. THANK YOU for the support, we’ll be back soon enough 🙂‍↕️ LATA JAPAN! 💛🖤

UPDATE: Inside sources are also confirming that former Fries In The Bag tank player Krawi has been offered a sleeve of Thin Mints and 5 dollars, which was enough to come out of retirement like the rest of his old counterparts. -W

BREAKING: Retirement Home Ethernet A significant number of old, retired Overwatch pros like Kellex, Void, Fate, Fearless, Shaq, and Durpee are all attempting a comeback now that ethernet ports have been installed in their retirement homes. Newgens beware! Source: Anonymous

@durpee83 @aaronkellerOW @PlayOverwatch @OWCavalry @BlizzardCS Reporter with DNN here. Is it true that possession of the cardboard Reinhardt skin increases an individual’s chance at getting laid? -T

seems like there’s a ban bug going around where people are getting banned without receiving an email i think we should unban EVERYONE to fix this 😂😂🤔 @aaronkellerOW @PlayOverwatch @OWCavalry @BlizzardCS

@shaqinoff We understand. We have had some bad committee members ourselves. The reporter who convinced us that the Retrohoopers x Vega article would be successful was poisoned with ricin at our first ever quarterly meeting. We needed to make an example of them. -PJ

@DNNreporting i was mislead by the committee

@Winstonplayer1 We at DNN have no affiliation with kars4kids and any of its subsidiaries. However, we will admit that the jingle is a banger. -T

@DNNreporting Nothing said about kars4kids

A statement from our Editor-in-Chief: “There have been some recent rumors about DNN and who we might be affiliated with. We are not affiliated with Dhillducks, Blizzard, Palantir, AIPAC, or any other entity. We are a self-funded organization here to broadcast the truth.” -Thragg

STUDY: Lab-Grown FACEIT Admins Researchers have successfully grown a petri dish of bacteria as smart as FACEIT admins. They can almost read, almost communicate, and almost enforce rules at the same level of FACEIT staff. Are the admins at risk of losing their jobs? Source: DHU

@Winstonplayer1 While we are not aware of a full trial list yet, we have heard rumors that Morlock and AMADOU are under consideration. -T

@DNNreporting Do they intend to pick any player w a peak higher than Gm3 to fill the rest of the roster?

RUMOR: Avidity new roster Sources indicate that Avidity intend to pick up the core of Z4ch, Shaqinoff, and Hero! in an attempt to make it out of Masters League. Their staff believe this is the core that will help them finish 5th-6th OWCS just like last time Source: LAO!

@AvidityOw @Bullskunk @Username_Intel Hello, reporter with DNN here. Is it true that the return to Overwatch was funded by Blitz’s Polymarket winnings? -W

Missed us? Because we missed you 😉 #GoBeyond

SHOCKING: Aresona MD Bottom t3 tank player Aresona threatens to become a doctor. If you suspect your doctor was a former Tanuki player, ask for a second opinion Source: Anonymous

@R2JEEM Aight imma instigate @R2JEEM we at DNN miss the old twitter you. -T

@DNNreporting whgat the fuck

PSA: Instigation Withdrawal Are you an obnoxious individual who is unfunny, insists on replying to everything with a straw-man argument, and wants to reheat Rajeem’s nachos from 2021? You may be suffering from Instigation Withdrawal. Be aware of the signs and stay safe. -T

EXCLUSIVE: Adi Shankar Overwatch Netflix Anime “I will do exactly what I did with Devil May Cry for the Overwatch IP. It will be less woke and more edgy. Tracer won’t be gay anymore. Winston will say ‘f*ck.’ Hydron will be a cameo too. It’ll be so based!” - Adi Shankar