Dan Altano

544 posts

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Dan Altano

Dan Altano

@DanAltano

Stand up Comedian. I tell jokes on stage.

New York Katılım Nisan 2018
393 Takip Edilen253 Takipçiler
Dan Altano
Dan Altano@DanAltano·
I just read that a college student has created an app that can tell whether AI wrote an essay. The app will be called NARC.
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Dan Altano
Dan Altano@DanAltano·
Here’s something you never hear in an autobiography: "But enough about me."
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Dan Altano
Dan Altano@DanAltano·
Olive Garden: When you're here, you're family. The rest of the week, your kids stay with their mother.
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Dan Regan
Dan Regan@DanRegan_Comedy·
Looking at High School yearbook photos from the 80s has me wondering what the hell were we looking at off into the distance?
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Gen X CEO
Gen X CEO@JSalmonComedy·
The fact that there’s now a legit Venn diagram of people who think masks make it impossible to breath & those who think 9 minutes of a knee to the neck don’t... That’s probably the easiest way to describe the last year
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Elon Altman
Elon Altman@ElonAltman·
“Never meet your heroes.” - your heroes
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Dan Altano
Dan Altano@DanAltano·
Why is it that video games let you start over but ex girlfriends don’t?
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Katie Haller
Katie Haller@halleratyou·
me on April Fools before 2020: “don’t prank me I’m so gullible hehe!” me now: “I’m one prank away from a full on meltdown if you try anything I swear to god I will snap.” #AprilFoolsDay
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Dan Altano
Dan Altano@DanAltano·
My favorite part of every single movie is the overhead shot of a big city so we don’t have to wonder where it takes place.
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Sasha
Sasha@SashaSrbulj·
We live in the golden age of conspiracy theories, or so they would have you believe. #tuesdayvibe #conspiracy
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Dan Altano
Dan Altano@DanAltano·
My favorite kind of song is when someone explains a house party as if they’re the first ones to throw one.
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Elon Altman
Elon Altman@ElonAltman·
Pfizer & Moderna are superior because they give you 2 shots to earn likes on social media.
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Dan Altano
Dan Altano@DanAltano·
You never hear a positive story involving a basement.
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