Atleia Jorgana

I have uncovered critically important information about the serial murder of 33 Clinton enemies.

@AllisonLCarter Why not have unlimited PTO and require people to take at least X days?... People who want to can take more, but it still achieves the benefit of making sure people take breaks.

Unlimited PTO is a scam. Have a set number of PTO days and require that people take them. bit.ly/3GYWSQw

@jacobbarssbailey Bury those nuts

@MushrooQueendom If you bring a turkey it better be alive

Addendum: Do NOT bring a turkey. Just don’t do it. Unless you’ve already cleared it with the host, it’s not okay. And even if you have, it’s still probably not okay. Bring any other bird/meat if you must, but don’t become the Thanksgiving Villain.

You will neeeever guess what the 3 things are. The fact that none of them are FOOD is a straight-up problem. Two of their suggestions would cause a fight if you’re lucky enough to be Thanksgiving’ing with Southern/Black folk.

@GenevieveTocci I dont suppose “it’s no longer time to get in bed” would work…

“Well I’m going to do it.” -my child at bedtime for anything I tell her it is no longer time for

@CliftonIndy @clhubes They are all baby Macgyver's every one.

@clhubes The waiter would bring my son’s drink in a cup with a lid and straw (thinking that was “toddler-safe”) and then my son would proceed to punch a hole in the styrofoam with the straw. 🤦🏻‍♀️

@JasonT The headline is that Altoids cure covid.

DID YOU KNOW? The medication we call “Paxlovid” actually requires taking multiple tablets! That’s one (1) ritonavir tablet, two (2) nirmatrelvir tablets, and an endless supply (∞) of Altoids

@JasonT What *does* it actually mean tho?

Kiddo is melting down because she insists that her friends’ dreams come true while hers do not, and she dislikes my explanation for what that phrase actually means

36. Nova Effect: You may think losing your job is bad, but what if staying at your job would've led to you dying in a fire? You can't truly know if an outcome is good or bad, because fortune can lead to misfortune and vice versa. So don't be quick to judge the cards you're dealt.

After surfing today a black father came up to me says “that was you surfing earlier right? It was so great seeing someone brown out there in the waves, you were doing a great job! I had to bring my son out to watch!” behind him is standing this cute little 5-8 year old boy 🥺 🧵

tag yourself - I'm "if I scream everything is fine"

Given no other countermanding energies, entropy will gradually force us all to be the worst versions of ourselves.

This keeps being relevant. gordonatkinson.net/rlp-archive/i-…

People on here talking about how “voting” won’t solve anything and yet that’s exactly how the GOP accomplished this. Their voters show up every time, en masse, regardless of whether they are in love with the candidate or not, because they’re laser focused on the endgame. Today.

@JasonT I dont even know how to get out of this when they have my correct identity

Some stranger gave my cell number when she donated money to a politician, so now I get several texts a day from that party. They’re all from different phone numbers, so blocking numbers doesn’t help. I have no idea how to get this to stop. And people keep calling me Lynda. 😑

yes, the airports are a zoo. If you did NOT check in online and need to see agent, line is 4 hours. If you checked in online and did self-tagged bag drop with SkyPriority, line is 1 hour. @Delta crew are working hard, but it is a zoo.

@JasonT @Genevieve For real tho congrats on both.

Got a nice belated birthday card from @Genevieve, which doubles as a congratulations card after a week of solo parenting

@MrDBCross @Delta WOW! Good luck.

@JasonT @kbourgoin We are all underperforming on the "❤️s sent to friends" metric.

@kbourgoin all the emojis, my dear friend ❤️

"I am a 42 year old man and I can use heart emojis in messages to my dear friends if I want, damn it" is a thing I just had to reassure myself because, year after year, the shitty bigotries and insecurities pervasive in our culture just seep into all the cracks inside you

Today is going to be maddening. Journalists will be tempted to cover the Jan 6 hearings like they cover everything else: as a strategic game between two political sides, downplaying anything “we already knew” and framing it in terms of “how it will play for Dems in the midterms”

@charlene_atlas Switch from home to latest in main feed

Twitter seems unwilling to believe I don’t live in Atlanta