David Keyes

TOTAL VICTORY

People say the US lost the Iran war. What a joke. Calling the Strait of Hormuz used to be SO EXPENSIVE. Dollars per minute. I did it all the time as a teenager. Well, as of today, you can call the Stait TOLL FREE. Don't underestimate how big this is.

I, too, will not be charging tolls during this 60 day period.

Air Force Juan

I have arrived in Switzerland to ensure that a jihadist terrorist dictatorship never gets $300 billion from anyone for any purpose, ever. Wish me luck.

Trump really puts the toll in ayatollah

Apparently now you call the Strait of Hormuz toll free, so that's pretty cool. Huge win for USA.

Trump says no tolls in Hormuz. But he didn't say anything about trolls, so I'm probably fine.

Freshly emboldened, the Ayatollah begins nukemaxxing

ATTENTION ALL INVESTORS AND VCs: If you want to diversify, please consider investing in Iran's $300 billion fund. Worst case, it goes to perpetuate a jihadist tyranny dedicated to destroying the West. But that's only in the worst case. DM me for the transfer details.

A rare personal tweet, if you'll permit: Topple the Iranian regime, annihilate Hamas and destroy Hezbollah immediately!

Ok this is too much even for me

🚨 Breaking: Iran just closed the Strait of Hormuz. Trump, as usual, hits back hard.

Gentle reminder about US rhetoric during the most just war in modern history

Iran deal to be broadcast live via MOU Tube

🚨🚨 Iranian leaders Khamenei, Pezeshkian, Ghalibaf, Vahidi and Araghchi vehemently denounce previous regime leaders Khamenei, Pezeshkian, Ghalibaf, Vahidi and Araghchi.

🚨🚨🚨 In historic concession, Iran agrees to whisper "Death to America" instead of shout it loudly

In fairness, "regime change" in Farsi means "keep regime exactly the same"

Omg he tweeted this under duress

Before regime change, Iran was ruled by a ruthless jihadist president named Pezeshkian. Today, it is ruled by a man who, yes, looks similar and happens to have the same name, but is totally different.

If you want to be successful in business, you must dress for success. This is how you should dress if you want to be a trillionaire.