Derek Sherinian

BREAKING: A Memphis man has been arrested after allegedly scratching off EVERY SINGLE scratch-off ticket at a Germantown Exxon while working the register… because apparently his retirement strategy was “manifesting.” According to police, 32-year-old Lemonjello Washington decided the Tennessee Lottery was basically a giant reimbursement program. Witnesses say he spent the entire overnight shift scratching tickets like a raccoon that found a Red Bull and a quarter. The plan? Simple. Scratch all the tickets. Use the winning tickets to pay for the losing tickets. Pocket the profit. Become Memphis royalty. Unfortunately, investigators say the math “collapsed almost immediately,” which experts are calling “the most Shelby County Schools thing ever.” Police say Lemonjello confidently told officers: “Y’all don’t understand… eventually one of these gone hit.” Sir. That is not investing. That is emotional support gambling. Things became suspicious around 3:17 AM when customers walked in asking for scratch-offs and Lemonjello allegedly replied: “We fresh out… but spiritually we up right now.” By sunrise, the counter reportedly looked like a confetti cannon exploded inside a bankruptcy hearing. Losing tickets were stacked knee-high. The only big winner was the Exxon trash can. Authorities say the total losses exceeded several thousand dollars, while total winnings amounted to: • 3 free tickets • $11 • and a coupon for a free Mountain Dew. 🤣🤣🤣

The legendary close-up two-gun shooting move got even better with the addition of spinning kicks.