DetectiveHomicide

Just threw my back out by blowing my nose too hard #mcqueenisfading

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I DONT WANNA CHECK YOUR BIO OR SEE YOUR HEADER STOP POSTING THAT FUCKING GARBAGE BULLSHIT CRAP

And b. How down bad do you gotta be to NOT EVEN BRUSH YOUR FUCKING TEETH JESUS CHRIST

Went to the dentists office today. When I was waiting I overheard a patient tell the hygienist that she’s “not taking good care of her teeth since she’s not doing well mentally”. How down bad do you gotta be to a. Seriously tell that to someone

Holy shit @monty69mole don’t move

Was skimming through an old Big Nate book when I saw something prophetic

Why is she dressed like Gru

Accidentally fell down the Tally Hall/Hawaii pt 2 rabbit hole again #notsurewhattohashtagthis

Two high school friends got engaged in the same week. Cant wait for my mom to ask me what my relationship status is!

@gopherhunter1 The Luke Maile’s of Austin Hedges, some would say

Jose Lobaton just came to mind. Hope everyone has a great night

I’m a caniac for that box combo

Dude in my class keeps talking bout how travel has changed his life. I don’t really care about how South American nightlife is so superior to European nightlife. I don’t care you’ve only been to 12 US states but 27 countries. Please leave me alone I’m trying to doomscroll

To all my followers: what is the best fraternity letters to put in my bio to try and get some action? Serious inquiries only

“Oh man, she’s a got one mean RBF” “A resting bitch face?” “No I meant a root beer float”

@monty69mole She bath on my body til I candle

@DetHomicide Performative bath and body works candle

Oh you went out on a Friday night? No that’s cool. Yeah no I actually read a book, even lit a bath and body works candle. Even did a lil shoot the shit with the ‘rents (my roommates). Yeah I’ll probably take a NyQuil tonight to get over my cold. Fuck you

Girls will actually take a picture of literally anything. Went to a wedding recently and a girl at my table took a picture of some goosebumps she got. What are we doing here

@hogman29 Hear that gang? Mr. Hog has bad takes. Get em boys!

@DetHomicide Bad movie. Grow up

Just saw a La La Land edit at 10:30 this morning. Guess who’s too emotionally devastated to get anything done at work today!

National gf day is gonna get hate but I live for it. I love seeing all of my lonely single gals on Instagram posting stories like they don’t know it’s national gf day. Also allows for me to see who’s single and can potentially drunk dm. Good stuff