Dick McScrotington IV

@CallieRanting @seth_1773 What an absolutely brain meltingly garbage take on what that post was about. I see why you’re so concerned with alcohol killing brain cells because you’re already lagging behind. Keep up the good work tho. I have faith you’ll make the square shape go through the square hole soon.

@Los angeles angels

Someone make big poopy in clubhouse toilet. Y do that? Who make big poopy and no flush!!!!!!!

I guarantee I make baseball go far next game

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

Attention everyone. GM Jack Alpha has informed me due to my actions during my previous at-bat that I have been suspended for the second half of the Rockies game. I respect his decision and this team. I am sorry. Go Rox 🏔

Karl Jernigan blows ass.

With the 12th pick in the draft, the Rockies have selected the best Catcher/Doctor combo in MLR, Dr. Buttfart McPoopus, Esq.!

Dr. Buttfart McPoopus, esq.

@whitt_bass I guess LeBron ain’t the only one crazy enough to move from Florida to Cleveland.

👀👀👀

Also I’ll miss taking the field alongside my boy Jack. Love that dude, but if he thinks I’m gonna listen to him barking orders at me he’s got another thing coming to him. I still have the ASG break video Jack...

Can’t wait to shotgun a few coors with Poff now that he’s suitin up with us. I mean we still would’ve shotgun a few brewskis together regardless, but it’s just a little better now

100% fuck that write up about my man Garrett Evans. The man is NAILS and we in Colorado fully stand behind him. #FUCKBING #FakeNews

I've done some digging into the @Cannonball_Can and @Dan_GerzoneMLR feud. I'm expecting big fireworks between these two in session 9. youtu.be/IEVO0zOU1Pg

Was talking to my old pal Gerzone about cball talking spicy about him — “They asked me if I’d like to debate this gentleman, and I said ‘no.’ I said, ‘If we were in high school, I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.”

Onto St. Louis

If it’s anything like BP, hope all the fans in the outfield bleachers brought their mitts. 😂😂😂 twitter.com/whitt_bass/sta…

Shoulder surgery was a success! Excited to take the field alongside @JD_DeLasRosas and the rest of the boys in New Haven

I hurt inside