Doc Dixon

The Obligatory Pinned Tweet I'm on X mostly to vent about life & politics stuff, particularly from my libertarian world view. And some comedy/magic stuff, too.

@Uber is leaving money on the table if they don’t start a marketing campaign referencing Tiger Woods.

The first time I abandoned a girlfriend in the mountains was an accident. We had an argument about something trivial, and she decided to go off on her own for a bit to cool down. I insisted she stick to the trail, but she said she didn’t need me mansplaining how to find her way in the woods. So I dropped it. How does one manage to get lost on a mountainside, anyway? You just walk downhill until you hit a switchback or reach the valley. Common sense stuff. Well, she managed it. When she didn’t turn up by nightfall, I contacted the ranger station and they set out to find her. By 1am, I got tired of waiting and drove home. They called the next morning to say they’d found her in a makeshift den she’d dug beneath a deadfall. She was naked, gone completely feral, her face painted with menstrual blood. A ranger tried to wrap a blanket around her shoulders, and she bit a golf ball-sized gobbet of flesh from his shoulder. So they sedated her and took her straight to the nearest hospital. That was three years ago and she still hasn’t recovered human language. Needless to say, I acquired a taste for it. I’m up to a baker’s dozen now, not counting the one that found her way back to the car before I could drive off. But you never forget your first. Sarah will always have a special place in my heart.

@Lerg I'll be gigging on the other side of the continent that day.

@DocDixon Maybe of interest. Piff coming to town in October. tickets.citywinery.com/event/piff-the…

While his funeral is free to attend, for an extra fee fans can have the corpse placed in the pose of their choice. Much like Hugh Hefner’s death, atheists and Christians agree: This dude is NOT in a better place now.

Happy ........................Ninety .......Fifth .................................Birthday .................................@WilliamShatner

Great advice!

Seeing this scene as a 10 year old boy lead to me becoming a magician.

Variety Was Once a Great Magazine -- but Moronic Tweets Like This Overshadow Its Legacy

I used to think it was carbs, but now I realize the main cause of fatness is dispensationalism.

@delta, when you force me to check my carryon bag, and then I board the plane and see enough space for at least 10 more carryon bags in the overhead, well, you suck.

This pic would win on Fool Us.

Hey @EdGallrein!!! You can block me, but I won’t stop trolling you. You suck. 😂 KY loves @MassieforKY

@SBakerMD My new carnivore pitch: “I eat beef not only because it’s healthy and delicious; I do it to protect the lives of innocent crickets.” youtu.be/KRqTcrg72JM?si…

It's really awesome that years later, some people admitted that Ron Paul had been right about the Iraq war. But that only really counts if you then oppose the next stupid thing, instead of saying: but this one is different! It really isn't.

The breakfast I made for the kids this morning: Peanut butter and jelly French toast topped with bacon (Pictured) The breakfast I have every day: Black coffee and suppressed emotions (Not pictured)

The hardest part of a limited two week military engagement is the first six years.

To the person in charge of ⁦⁦⁦@thehill⁩ Facebook page, thank you for this headline. Also, congrats to Megan on the new job.

Slow clap, hearty laughter

The word 'adolescent' was coined in the 20th century. The word 'teenager' was invented in the 20th century. These categories didn't exist before. In the 1800s and earlier, there was childhood and there was adulthood. The transition happened around twelve or thirteen when you started taking on adult responsibilities. Andrew Carnegie had a job at thirteen. Thomas Edison was working at thirteen. Ben Franklin was apprenticed at twelve. If you're working and contributing and earning, you don't have time to rebel against anything. The whole concept of teenage rebellion is an artifact of forced schooling. We created the problem by inventing the category.