Douf

Door handles can be way too clingy for an inanimate object when you're trying to leave

@MisterD78UK @Aaronscott2273 I only complain about coatracks when nobody uses them.

@DBStoner @MrEd_EVH Pinned Tweet… But, yeah. I get it.

Once you dump that (useless) blue checkmark Twitter gets nasty. And if you speak out, they get downright vindictive. WTF happened to this place?

Just remember, ALL of you are the people who keep Twitter employees employed.

@Moon_River05 Oh god! That set’s off my anal retentive disorder. but go.

My new way cool bookshelf i just ordered!! Cant wait!

@MrEd_EVH Respectfully, without the dis, fucking off.

Disrespectfully…Fuck Off

@Moon_River05 I think you know. Douf is a typo.

There are 570 million active users on X (Twitter). If you cant see fit to put your first name in your Twitter handle do not start crying when I ask you, again, what your name is

I only discovered Magnum P. I. by accident watching Battle of the Network Stars.

@CooperLawrence I think some of these islands may need to start being renamed. I have never seen a living Galápagos either.

Boyfriend: Fun fact, there are no canaries on Canary Island Me: what about the Virgin Islands? Boyfriend: nope, no canaries there either

@Moon_River05 Wow. Just wow.

And people wonder why Im such a bitch

@MadHatterMommy I always jump into your DM’s without permission. Apologies. So not going to this time.

Why is there so much difference between what my phone shows me before and after clicking a picture?

@Bob_Janke Always beware the milk and cereal lovers in any restaurant

You think you want your posts to be seen, and then you get people seriously replying to you about why someone might order cereal in a restaurant so be careful what you ask for.

@PontistGirl Dad? 🤣

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the shop. They gave me another one free of charge.

@Bob_Janke Dare you.

Okay time to delete this account

@deloisivete ALL of this should be referred to as “Chuck E. Cheesism”.

*Hour 5 in the trampoline park* My oldest has said “watch this” 132 times My youngest is running wild in a pack of feral eight-year-olds A woman screams in the distance “Jaden, Jaxon” There is no bar