Draggin Father Behind

Well we're all here, so I'll start: I'm continually bullied by my three year-old

I like to keep gps in check by telling her she’s not the boss of me.

Our kids walk in the door smelling their mom's experimental cooking <gagging>, first child: “UGH! It smells like bad cheese.” Other child: “No I think it’s rotten eggs.” The last child won’t even come back in the house without his astro-oxygen supply

This season on 'My So-Called Renaissance'....

"M--. Will is here. He has a sword." - 8yo casually announcing to her brother the next backyard duel

My wife and I play this cute game every time we go out where she picks 2 outfits out and asks my opinion on which looks better, then wears a different one anyway.

Saw an Amazon truck drop a kid off at school this morning. Didn't know that was an option.

Things you never find once lost 1. Innocence 2. Childhood 3. Chapstick 4. New Chapstick 5. Backup Chapstick

Sometimes I wonder how there can be flat earthers, but then I remind myself how my son blamed his last 5 soccer game losses solely on the ref

Anyone else feel like your body is an old phone battery that won’t charge above 20%?

it’s that time of night where I turn off my 13 inch screen and watch my 65 inch screen.

My 5yo ran in during a meeting and asked me to open a bottle of gatorade "for an experiment" and now I'm afraid to leave this room

Whoever said "If you believe it you can achieve it." never tried leaving the house on time with toddlers.

My kid is running around the house with an open umbrella draped across his shoulders and got mad because I couldn't guess he was a *checks notes* vampire blaster mechagodzilla

I’m starting to worry about my husband’s eyesight. He can’t seem to see that the cutlery drawer is divided into sections.

a haunted house but each room is another meeting that could have been an email

world mental health day occurring on prime day means that all those purchases are for the good of your mental health

me: couldn’t find my glasses to do a project, then found my glasses but forgot about the project. my wife: sounds like you’re playing old man whac-a-mole.