Elfish Witch

@WhoresofYore ..

@HumansNoContext Excuse me! If your hair goes over my screen one more time I'm going to yank your head so far down I can trap your hair in my table. If you want to block my view let's have you do it properly but with some entertainment for me, since I lose the use of my TV. #staytoxic

@RojParody They're all rescues you know they needed liberating from the teeny pots

@RojParody Hahaha only 10! That's if I'm in a rush 😛

Fun, sustainable fashion with plastic free packaging.

@RojParody Absofuckinglutely it's for me ! L O V E I T !

Damon has been a dedicated Samaritans’ volunteer at Stafford branch since 2017. When doing outreach work, he made an intervention and helped a man at a station. You can read his full story here 👉 bit.ly/3ygJCjs #SmallTalkSavesLives 💚

If I had a pound for every time you swore I'd be a millionaire. If I had a pound for every time you pissed me off, I'd put them in a sock and smack you around the head with it.

The moment when the server finally dies at work after its threatened it all day and you swear and swear and swear before realising you're not at the office so don't have to deal with it.

@EllesarCoamenel Put the shitters up them by erecting a square of "police line do not cross" tape around your sleeping patch.

Considering sleeping on the lawn t'night just for the breeze, but first I need to fish a can of Stella out of someone's recycling and find something resembling a crack pipe. If some arse neighbour is gonna take a pic of me, I really need to make sure it's the best I can manage

Are you even British if you're not dancing round shouting BASTARD FLYING WANKERS! Every twenty seconds?

What's the protocol for when next doors minge maggots keep chasing the neighbourhood cats into the land when cars are coming? I mean can I legally drown them in the pond or do I just throw them into traffic?

I am snufkin hear me... run away at the thought of social situations and can often be found just laying in the tall grass hoping not to be found.

@EllesarCoamenel Or how persuasive although I'd happily let the sidhe kidnap me if it meant a life of tranquility in a forest 🤔

@ElfishBitch No matter how glamorous 😀

I'm a tall monkey and this is taller than me. A fine garden

@EllesarCoamenel Don't accept food or gifts if anyone walks out of there lol

@ElfishBitch It wouldn't surprise me one bit of one came strolling out. The lighting was just perfect for it last night

Had mild panic on finding out I am lactose intolerant. I say mild but I actually cried at the gp thinking about all the lovely cheese I won't be able to eat, but apparently its only milk that makes me projectile vomit so hurrah. Tbf milk can get in the bin but cheese is life.

@EllesarCoamenel He tried to discover A little something to make me sweeter

@ElfishBitch He's so very understated and quiet

Holding out for farming stock but willing to take a fan of Erasure in the '90s

@EllesarCoamenel Andy Bell had blue leather arseless chaps on and a feather boa

@ElfishBitch Well now... 😁

Why is it so hard to find a sodding pencil in this house? The house that is full of writing implements in every shade, every hue and every bloody medium .. except a bog standard pencil 🤬