GoaT FacE

*Wife blows me a kiss from across the room* *I pretend to catch it* *I walk over to the window and toss it outside* "Grow up Karen"

Baby thug: I want something tough. Tattoo artist: Such as? Baby thug: It's gotta be gangster...like dolphin eyebrows.

[Yelling through your letterbox] IN LATIN AMERICA A MURDER IS CALLED A MEXECUTION

@ToonPolls offer him to a euro big dog team on loan the basis that we loan a player or two from them as this seasons 'loan fee' with an obligation to sell to them for 140m next season. Never gonna happen obvs. but I'd love to see it.

I don’t see this situation being resolved without some creative thinking from #NUFC It’s clearly beyond the point of reintegration, but we cannot be publicly bullied by some jumped up prick who thinks he’s more important than the club. So how do we box clever on this one?

Personal trainer: how many squats do you do a week? Me: I dunno, about 150... Personal trainer: and remember, sitting down to pee doesn't count as a squat Me: zero squats a week.

#nufc Transfer window be like: x.com/nexta_tv/statu…

@seanlongstaff97 @NUFC You've written your name into geordie folklore Sean. Lived the life the rest of us geordies could ever dream of. It's been a wild ride, and you've been a huge part of it. Really sad to see you moving on, but I only see success for you at Leeds. You're one of own, see you at SJP!

Thank you for everything, @NUFC 🖤🤍

Scout Master: [posthumously pinning a knot tying badge onto my dangling corpse] "That noose is flawless... congratulations buddy"

@NUFC @CallumWilson Will go down as a top, top signing for us. carried us during the darker days and was a beast under Eddie at times. Unfortunate that we were robbed of his services for some long periods as I reckon he'd have probably doubled his goal tally for us otherwise. Good luck CW9!!

Callum Wilson has confirmed he will depart Newcastle United after five seasons at the club.    From scoring on his debut against West Ham in 2020 to wearing the iconic number 9 shirt, Callum has played a huge part in our success in recent years and we thank him for all his contributions.    Good luck for the future, CW9! 🫡🖤🤍

@TaylorandPayne Id rather see them lose a play off game in agonising fashion for all of eternity

Awful horrible games that I absolutely hate. I'd prefer if we never ever played them again. #NUFC

@NUFCThreatLevel Amen

Wanting Sunderland promoted for the good of North East football? Names taken. Sorry.

Is this fight club? "No this is Updog club" Whats updog? "Nothing wh- *cough from back* "Sorry, I mean 1st rule of Updog club is we do not talk about Updog Club..."

Me: everything ok? Doc: [checking my balls] you appear to have a hard pea sized lump in each testicle Me: oh shit Doc: [noticing a skittle inside his glove] but try not to worry about it

@Onewhonaps I hope it remembers me when it rules the world

@EndhooS Only good use for ai

I've been asking AI for it's thoughts on some new crisp flavours I've been thinking about:

J.K. Rowling's full name is Just Keep Rowling Rowling Rowling Rowling Keep Rowling Rowling Rowling Rowling

@TaylorandPayne Like this guy currently...

Well then. How we feeling? #nufc

@TBOTT_ You've gone canny viral here mind son

𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙍𝙀'𝙎 𝙉𝙊 𝘿𝙄𝙎𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙂𝙀 𝙄𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙒𝘼𝙍! ⚫️⚪️ #NUFC | #CarabaoCupFinal

Credit to kh.media23 on tiktok GOOSEBUMPS 🥶 #NUFC

@JamiePinner raul jimenez

Seem to remember a Newcastle player being sent off (last season? near the half way line?) for something similar. Can anyone point me in the direction of it? Interested to compare... #itfc #nufc

"BRING ME THE FOETUS' OF 3 CHICKENS" *Maniacal stare* "Listen dude, its called an omelette,a 3 egg omelette" "AND THE BLOOD OF 4 ORANGES"