David Morecroft

@qikipedia That’s too many fucking images.

The Wikipedia page for Kama Sutra currently has 69 images.

@nachosarah Bluesky.

wait what the fuck happened to twitter

Absolutely, a poster in Manchester today. Worth a read.

Hurt my back and was struggling to move. After a messy shite, I cleaned up and went on with my day. An hour later, I realised I'd dropped the shitty toilet paper on the floor instead of the toilet, stepped in it, and dragged it through the house. Blamed it on dog shit.

I was having an affair with an MP in the previous government, broke it off pretty much immediately when he lost his seat, I really was just attracted to power I guess.

All these “trump appoints” tweets are all funny and stuff, but it won’t be funny when he starts appointing himself as things other than president.

@fesshole Well done inconveniencing yourself.

Work in a department store. If you're paying with cash and I don't like the look of you you're getting your change in an unnecessary amount of coins

@fesshole Reading this has taken months off my life. It’s badly written, it’s got made up words, and it’s obviously got more bollocks than a platter of sweetbreads.

When the boss is in the office I type furiously fast so he thinks I'm cleverer, and more efficient, than I actually am. I correct all the typos with a mouse as he can't hear those. I just got a £30k raise so I'm not sure this is entirely as ridiculous as it sounds.

@oocsitcoms Rules please.

would you rather play true american or chardee macdennis?

@swiftlydunphy The shirt I wore today agrees.

life really feeling like a parks & rec episode lately

“the Great Elon Musk” Sounds like a sub species of moose.

@fesshole Americans thinking you’re talking about sausages.

We used to plant bangers in wet cowshit, light them and then run in circles jumping over until they went off. I always trimmed the fuse, then ensured Steve went third. Sorry to Steve's mum. Them trousers were rank.

@SlenderSherbet He’s going to be shitting through the eye of a needle.

If the only thing missing from your day is 45 seconds of a beaver, eating cabbage, then here's 45 seconds of a beaver, eating cabbage.🔊🆙

Kurt with Flipper shirt Krist with SSD shirt Kurt with Black Flag, Meat Puppets flyers on wall (Dr Know flyer out of view) Poison Idea sticker on Kurt’s guitar case

@MANCHESTERMUS10 Kirsty being with them increases the percentage of talent up to 60%.

Hallelujah, hallelujah We're Mr. Bitter We'll take a bit of this and that youtu.be/ddVCYSnrR-c?si… #HappyMondays #KirstyMacColl

@MANCHESTERMUS10 Imagine how good they would have been without Ian Brown.

The gold road's sure a long road Winds on through the hills for 15 days youtu.be/k4H4ztXsPrc?si… #TheStoneRoses

I still have scar right in the middle of my forehead where I head butted the corner where the magnet was. It wasn’t intentional.

Never forget when Jim Carrey dropped this OG diss track in 1993

@haveigotnews I thought paedophiles only went one way?

Pressure is mounting on Justin Welby to resign. It will be uncomfortable for the archbishop but he might be forced into a sideways move