Holden Milk, Esq.

Simultaneously a food crime and the "Most Legal", it's @CHSSTFans legal advisor Holden Milk @EsqMilk #blaseball

i’m uncomfortable

@RFoluler no spice here, i’m too white

@EsqMilk Thank goodness! I was worried you might have been turned into spicy milk and drunk on a live stream.

Can someone check on @EsqMilk? Are they ok?

@HungryMonitor @VelaSauce i’m watching you with my milk eyes, squid friend 👀 🥛 🤲

@VelaSauce @EsqMilk Gosh darn it not again

He has. I almost got bonked by him doing it once

@BoozleN @glabeofthemoon i can neither confirm nor deny

@glabeofthemoon Is Spicy Milk related to @EsqMilk

If the Miami Dale join my Neopets guild I'll drink spicy milk

@BlobCostas technically speaking, there is no court with jurisdiction over the north pole, which is the only reason santa isn’t in flederal prison

👀 🥛

@BlobCostas @not_hendrik @SplortsCaster certainly could at least make a case for intentional or negligent infliction of emotional distress. blaseball can be charged with knowing how important it is to us all

🤲 🥛

Illegal

@InezzzOwens 🤲 🥛

@EsqMilk 🤔🌺🐝

reports of my association with the Milk Proxy Society are false !⃝ 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗽𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗰𝗲𝘀

@KansasIi your clone might be, but they’d have to indemnify you. so yes but also no. 🤲 🥛

@EsqMilk i was cloned as a joke about the new parker am i entitled to compensation?

@KBetmint perfect 🤲 🥛

@EsqMilk THE OSHA PEOPLE ARE COMING NEXT WEEK I WILL TRY TO SET YOU UP TO TAKE THEIR SHOES AS PAYMENT FOR THE LEGAL ADVICE

@EsqMilk I NEED A QUICK WAY TO GET AROUND OSHA LAWS CAN WE LIST THE NEW BREATH MINT STADIUM AS A DEPENDENT ON MY TAX RETURNS SO SAFETY RAILS AND ADDITIONAL RESTROOMS ARE CONSIDERED ELECTIVE MEDICAL SURGERY? THAT WAY I DON'T HAVE TO DO THEM

@KBetmint yes i recommend modeling them after CVS receipts

@EsqMilk OH, LIKE THE TICKETS ALREADY SAY WE AREN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR PEOPLE GETTING HIT BY FLYING OBJECTS. WE JUST HAVE TO MAKE THE TICKETS LONGER.

@KBetmint the answer is it’s their fault because if nobody was there it wouldn’t be unsafe because it couldn’t harm anyone. it’s only unsafe when people are there and you’re not MAKING anyone be there. so really if you think about it the fans should be paying for safety railings

@KBetmint you could try that, or you could simply declare that all patrons and players assume the risk of serious bodily harm or death by simply entering - perhaps even gazing upon- the stadium. sure, it’s technically “not safe,” but whose fault is that REALLY?

i heard this goku fella went to four seasons landscaping school of law

good afternoon. today we unseat the commissioner, in spite of the fact that he is doing a good job. some might even say a great one. but that’s up to the jury, is it not?