Exmo Emma

Call me old fashioned but I don’t think women that give excellent head should have to do the dishes.

What doesn’t kill you gives you cortisol spike, weight gain and hair loss.

[reading a book in first person] i dont remember doing any of this

maybe putting a 4th caffeinated drink in your anxiety riddled body will help there’s really no way to know

kinda fuck everyone who doesn't notice we're living in a nightmare

cute first date idea: just hang out and be weird together

Texting your kid is like dating someone who isn't interested in you… Me: I love you, have a great day! Daughter: K

let’s call it a week guys, we did our best.

When you hear someone speak and you just know that the words that they are saying are misspelled

Let me explain what just happened 👇 5 minutes before the President announced a halt to attacks on Iran… someone placed a $1.5 BILLION bet on stocks going up and dumped $192 million in oil. 5 minutes… These trades were 4 to 6 times larger than anything else in the entire market. Whoever did this wasn’t guessing. You don’t risk $1.5 billion on a hunch. There was zero public indication this announcement was coming. No leaks. No press. Nothing. The only people who knew were in the room when the decision was made. Someone in that room picked up a phone. And within minutes they made more money than most Americans will earn in a thousand lifetimes. In a single trade. On a war that cost you $4+ a gallon gas and $16 billion in tax dollars. American citizens funded this war. Politicians are profiting from it. This is not the first time. Every major announcement from this administration has had massive suspicious trades right before it dropped. Tariff reversals. Policy shifts. War decisions. This is the most blatant insider trading operation in the history of American politics. It’s not even close. And it’s happening over and over in broad daylight. You would go to federal prison for trading on a tip from your cousin. These people are front running war decisions with billion dollar bets and nobody will ever ask a single question. Nobody will be investigated. Nobody will be charged. By tomorrow this will be buried under the next satisfying headline. Just like last time. And the time before that. The game is rigged. And they’re not even trying to hide it anymore…

If you get your shit done, nobody should care if you smoke weed

I used to think the social media videos I saw about the food in other countries were BS, until I went to Italy for a week. One full week of eating pasta, pizza, steak and gelato…I came home down 7lbs. We are being poisoned. It really is that simple.

Unfortunately I do enjoy being ruder to someone who was rude to me first

does anyone know other coping mechanisms besides substance abuse

Get yourself a "how can I help" partner and not "you will be fine" partner. Get yourself a "I’ll take care of it" partner and not "sorry to hear that" partner. Get yourself a "I’m on my way" partner and not "If I have time” partner. Get yourself a “I brought you your favorite food” partner, not a “you should eat” partner. Get yourself a “rest, I’ve got this” partner, not a “just push through” partner. Get yourself a “I’m here, talk to me” partner, not a “you’re overthinking” partner.

40% of teen pregnancies in 15 y/o girls involve a fathering man who is 20-29. It is never lost on me that the conversations surrounding teen pregnancy are always about the promiscuity of teenage girls and not the violence of older men.

@GoesifM @omgsidewalks @uhhmoo

@ExmoEmma @omgsidewalks @uhhmoo At least he doesn't have to put up with your abusive narcissism anymore. He's finally free from you and your imaginary problems.

WOMEN WILL BE LIKE: "WHY DO I FEEL SO AT PEACE NOW?" AND LITERALLY IT’S JUST LIFE WITHOUT A MAN-CHILD DYSREGULATING YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM 24/7.

Shooting my shot by liking your tweets and never talking to you

We had to smoke out of soda cans with screens from a sink faucet and blow into a toilet paper roll filled with dryer sheets so Gen Z could hit a weed pen at Target