Goldminer’s Son In-Law

If I see one more fucking Tik tok trend or country song about dogs dying, I’m going postal

@jimmyjohns I understand you have to be a stoned idiot to work at a sandwich shop, but what kind of uncultured swine toasts an Italian sub? The New Yorker that’s left in me wants to put hands on your Minot, ND loc ocky….. respectfully

@VenmoSupport my account won’t let me remove a number I don’t own anymore nor add my current phone number. Leaving my account completely unsecured. Venmo support tells me turn my phone off and back on again. When that doesn’t work, they said not our problem try again tomorrow.

Bartending is a wild occupation They beg you to come to their job and then get mad when you don’t give them money.

Bullying isn’t illegal, don’t forget you pussies

Show me a girl west of the Mississippi that doesn’t tell stories like this

Id rather have a president that calls it the china virus, than pay what I’m paying for fuel and groceries rn. Yes I care more about my wallet than your feelings

We named our dab rig Ronnie, because “RAHHHHNNNN STAHHPPP, YOU TRAUMATIZED MEEEE”

I thought @YETICoolers’s thing was they were tough… just the most recent 3…

Healthcare workers don’t get raises until all of you can explain how type 1 diabetes works without google

Being stubborn is knowing what you want, but is a word people use when they don’t like what you’re doing…. Fuccem

Taylor ham is just a breakfast hot dog

All this started after bullying was abolished… we wouldn’t have dudes in skirts with foxtail butt plugs if they got a couple swirlies in high school

I double dawg dare any girl to go to the gym and not let one single god damn person know about it

If you’ve lived in any type of vehicle for any amount of time… I’ll fwy but I’ll never completely trust you 👀

I’ll tell ya once, I’ll tell ya a thousand times… “Stay away from fast women and slow horses” -Harold Bacon

If you hating you just need some better pussy

Went to Chic Fil A, and one of the drive thru ladies came over with a big smile and hands up and said “higher the truck, closer to god!” And I swiftly answered, “Na , fat girls can’t jump”… she went straight chicken lips, I ruined her whole day… 😂

If you’re still getting Covid I’m just automatically assuming you don’t wash your hands… or your ass…