Gary C

@BBCMOTD Thank you, Gary 👏, 👏, 👏👏👏

Gary Lineker says goodbye to #MOTD after 25 years.

Been a vicar for over 40 years and spent most of that time reassuring people that death isn't the end and their relatives are waiting for them in a place of peace and joy. The older and closer to death I get the more I've started worrying though. What if I'm wrong about it all?

@bmstores @ScottSteiner

an 8 1/3 chance of leaving. But then you take our 75% chance of leavin' (if we was to go one on one), and then add 66 2/3%, you got a 141 2/3 chance of leaving with more than you went in for! The numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you at B&Mifice

Normally if you go to a shop you've got a 50/50 chance of leaving with what you went in for. But we're not normal! So you got a 25% at best of leaving with just that! And then you add candles to the mix? Your chances of leaving drastically go down

@dorsetfunboy @fesshole

I don't have many regrets in my life, but asking my then boyfriend to piss on me hours after he'd eaten asparagus is certainly up there

FUCKIN CHRISTMAS, INNIT?

@cubetutor FIRST I'VE FUCKING HEARD OF IT! GUESS ME AND MY CUBE CAN FUCK OURSELVES, RIGHT?

so long, and thanks for all the drafts.

@fesshole EVEN I WOULDN'T BE THAT MUCH OF A BASTARD, AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYONE!

I once found a wallet with £80 inside. I pocketed £40 and personally delivered the wallet to his letter box with a note attached; "I think I deserve half for saving you an inconvenience replacing bank cards and family photos". I always wonder if he was grateful or livid.

Used free Web text messaging 15 yrs ago to send 100s of free texts in bulk to friends with old phones that could only store 25 or 50 texts, took them hours every time to delete the incoming texts and get phone back to normal

@StorybookBrawl DISGUSTING!

The current pandemic dilemma theatlantic.com/health/archive…

When I worked on the phones in customer service I would give people punishment holds for doing things I didn't like, 2 mins for swearing, 3 mins for shouting at me or not listening. 1 min for talking to someone else at the same time, 6 minutes for eating

Arnold makes some excellent points.

@ianbremmer I'M SO METAL EVEN MY COVID VACCINE IS 666!

There aren’t two sides to the vaccines argument. There’s science and there’s crazy people.

@itvhub GREAT FUCKING TIMING!

@_DHOTYA FUCKIN' GOLD!

Didn’t happen of the decade?

I never wash my hands after using the bathroom. My wife has got wise to this and listens outside the door. So I turn on the tap, wet the soap and rearrange the towel after pooing in order to cover my tracks. This takes longer than washing my hands, but I refuse to let her win.

My favorite chef is back!

Live now with a quiz about movies based on TV shows! Then GAMING STUFFS twitch.tv/ashens

Your daily reminder of what an ignorant, selfish, irresponsible twat sounds like: