mike

Even if you shrunk King Kong down to the size of a normal gorilla there would still be something special about him

Me, exiting a time machine: Your victories will be remembered for millennia Pyrrhus: Oh hell ya

@afraidofwasps . Getting a lot of Kanye vibes from SBF

Guy who has only seen The Boss Baby, watching his second movie: Getting a lot of 'Boss Baby' vibes from this...

Lawyers may or may not agree, but defending yourself pro se is a total frat move

Seamless / Uber Eats should do a Spotify-style year end wrap up

Would be impossible to find a better name for youth football organizations than Pop Warner

Sometimes you just gotta listen to Bradley Cooper’s made for movie rock songs from Star is Born

@tweetsgerald_ referring to “average people” and counting myself among them publicly to seem down to earth but secretly not counting myself among them

Before you post your good Spotify Wrapped on social media, pause for a moment to consider that Spotify Wrapped season can be tough for people like myself who have dreadful taste in music

Didn’t realize Janoris legally changed his name. Jackrabbit Jenkins is easily the coolest name in the world

@tweetsgerald_ She’s a lyrical genius

pruning the dead leaves on my plant is good for both the plant’s and my morale

Football coaches at state flagship schools should be elected officials

Oof a guy told me to xyz xamine your zipper tonight #halloween2021

I have just been notified that there are many Dune books

Didn’t realize dune was going to be multiple movies so now I need to read a 500 page book to combat my curiosity

I’m gonna be squid game for Halloween

Preemptively sick of squid game Halloween costumes

Submarine pitching is one of the craziest things in the world of sports