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(DMing girl) Life is so randommm it's like.. Whyyyyyy Lol. (logging into Albert Einstein role playing account) (DMing same girl) Life makes perfect since
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Boots, 'with the fur'
27.3K posts
Boots, 'with the fur'
@afraidofwasps
Six feet tall, two feet have
Katılım Ocak 2012
972 Takip Edilen76K Takipçiler
I wrote this for Bill, the original punchline was "If you have sperm more than six years old, you might want to EMPTY THE JAR" -- Bill said it was awful, ordered me outside, and made me dig a hole deep enough to be my grave and stare at it for the rest of the day
Bill Maher@billmaher
According to a Swiss study, Hantavirus can survive in sperm for up to 6 years. If your sperm is more than six years old, see a doctor. You might be married.
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Yeah -- They got cameras in the waiting room!! 😂😂🔥🔥🔥🙄
~ an @afraidofwasps original ~
"DAMN that's funny"
Strewth! 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈@StrewthQueen
Don't worry, they know
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Boots, 'with the fur' retweetledi
can any audio pedophiles recommend me a good headset thats not super expensive
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(making small talk at Cannes) Who do you think will win Palm of the Day..?
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@TheMonkeyJungle Guy who watches Goodfellas and thinks the best pasta has to be made in prison
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In Goodfellas he’s using a razor to cut the garlic because they’re in prison not because it’s necessary
sireilisa@sireilisa
Is this the correct way to chop garlic?
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@VegHand This is very nice VegHand and so I'll say don't worry this is drastically exaggerated for comedic effect and I'll say that I hope you're having a good one today and I hope your brother's doing okay And i'll also attach a Bad Luck Brian meme too
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@afraidofwasps It's not a good idea bro you are likely to become dependent on it then need it daily just to not be sick like my brother and trust me that is the last way that you want to be. Most people I wouldn't give a shit just read and go by but my favorite tweeter I have to stop and warn.
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It's good to 'edge' alcoholism, get to the point where you're like "omgg I neeeed it" and so drinks start being 3x more satisfying, and then doing 10 days sober just to "Make Sure"
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@Integrity_Freak I can see the back of your shoulders from the front bro, That's interesting to me Whatsup with it
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@afraidofwasps I would love to get a cup of coffee with him and discuss what's wrong with his shit
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That means they've been telling fewer lies and thus we can let them into our homes and sheds
Massimo@Rainmaker1973
A new study has shown that Raccoons are showing early signs of domestication The University of Arkansas found that urban raccoons have smaller snouts, a sign of domestication syndrome.
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Boots, 'with the fur' retweetledi
(stuck in a time loop) Sweetie, I’ve lived this day hundreds of times. Look, that guy is gonna sneeze (doesn’t happen) ok this must be the beta timeline, so that car is gonna run a red light (doesn’t happen) (getting desperate, switching to my Yoda voice) Trust me here you must
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@afraidofwasps it deboosts you for posting the same picture repeatedly
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I heard photos get boosted like 5x more than text posts now so I'm just going to attach this to every one of my tweets from here on out
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Boots, 'with the fur' retweetledi
@willmenaker Count the wives.... Need I say more
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@WOKE_MOE A picture of a pickle for algorithmic purposes is next
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@afraidofwasps This tweet isn’t just funny- it turns an already hilarious phrase on its head 🤣 What’s next? 😀
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I'm so hungry I could eat a cow!! Well - at least a tiny piece of one 😂 #Steak
Note: Image attached for algorithm purposes
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