Gerraint™ Oakley

The outstanding Hiraeth Kitchen! hiraethkitchen.com

I walked into my mate's barn yesterday to find him dancing naked in front of his tractor. I said what you doing!? He said, “My wife and I haven’t been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.”

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia... He said, "Sure knock yourself out."

A wealthy Frenchman was showing off his yachts. “This is un, this is deux, this is trois, this is quatre, this is six…” “What happened to five?” his wife asked. “Cinq” he answered.

@stevehepworth 😆 but wider than average.

That was not what I was asking… 🤔 Genuine search, but, can they go to heaven??

@stevehepworth Everyone says, “I thought you’d be taller”. I’m average height!!

@Gerraint Take it you’re buying new jeans???

My wife said she's tired of me telling all my stupid word play jokes. She said I should write them all down and put them in a book. I told her that was a novel idea.

My mate said, "I saw a badger on the way to work this morning." I said, "How do you know it was going to work?"

I saw a radio for sale, the label said, "50 pence, volume stuck on full." I thought to myself, "Wow, what a bargain, I can't turn that down."

Shania Twain's sister, Choo Choo, was train driver.

If you are watching the London Marathon look out for me I’m dressed as a vegetable. That's right I'm a Runner Bean.

I arrived early to the restaurant tonight. The manager asked, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, “No.” "Good, he said. "Take these drinks to table three."

Motorbike-ists

@JustRed_69 Yep.

@Gerraint ooh whats in the water? Is that mint? (and cowcumber duh)