Grand Designs

Lombardo is sourcing human hair for the traditional cladding on his medieval stable renovation by shaving his adult children every 6 months

Godin's build is designed to mirror his wife, Beau's, pregnancy. The structure will be born from a concrete & jojoba mock womb in 9 months

Slobodan's ambitious barn conversion has been delayed by the granite for his bespoke Neolithic kitchen needing to be imported from the past

Towbar is recreating the inhospitable gaseous surface of Saturn on his small holding in Malvern. The property will feature a wet room.

Nozzle's duct tape & pasta tribute to economical Bolivian living has been fraught with problems since he fired his architect into the sun

Vügel & Qqqqq gained inspiration for their postmodern yeast essence chamber after spending a month listening to nothing but David Bowie

Churchill & Pasadena's resolve is tested when the 12 tonnes of filo pastry ordered for the roof of their granite favela arrives burnt

Grobbelaar has artificially inseminated his wife, Daesh, with each individual brick to be used for their rubidium & dextrose folly

Thwaite, a vegan spirit healer from Bristol, will be insulating his Patagonian grain silo with his own self satisfaction

@Grand_designz Kabbage and Plópp are using locally-sourced pine cones to fashion the chimney of Britain's first transgender dwelling-space.

Gonad's butter infused polyhedral sense chamber doubles into a downstairs laundry room and the juxtaposition it creates is a triumph

Brett's jumbo fishcake mausoleum is being built strictly to specification

Flambé & Jojo are converting a 12th century stable block in Tring into a modern peace gazebo by cladding the outside with hemp and incense

Clem & Bo have decided to try and landscape the sinkhole that's swallowed their Indo-Himalayan trance garden @Grand_designz

Pimrod & Fruq are using pulled pork to create a mosaic floor in their ambitious granite and jojoba boathouse

Galahad & Puzz, dot com charity workers from North London, are using thousands of Albanian orphans to create Britain's most benevolent house

Gïlfi & Magdalene, spiritualists from Basingstoke, are infusing their entire Kevlar and fudge cubist-inspired ranch in positive vibes

Blofeld & Püj's dystopian iron and chlorophyll gang hideout will be the first house in Britain to be entirely planned using blogs

Carbon neutral undertakers, Lucas & Floella, are using their staunch left wing views to make their pesto & titanium microhouse watertight.

Bickle & Wa'añaqaaa, blacksmiths from Honiton, are crowd funding their ambitious keep renovation. The walls will be clad with selfies.