Fahim Faruq
2.3K posts
@GreenPillCoach
I'm on a mission to help Muslim men forge their rujula (since 2013). Become a rajul, lead your marriage, master wife-vetting & getting, & embrace brotherhood.
@GiaMMacool We are down to 5% virgins on their wedding night. You don't have to be seeking out promiscuous women to have them fill your matches. I was a virgin and found a virgin wife, but it took years of searching. I fear for my kids.
Thought experiment. Whatever your stance is, I'm asking for you to think this through. Domestic violence: violence in the home from any party to any party. Intimate partner violence: violence in a relationship. Women have a 1 in 3 lifetime risk of IPV, lifetime, approximately. Mostly by men. Men have a 1 in 3 lifetime risk of IPV, lifetime, approximately. Mostly by women. 2/3rd of lesbians cite female abusers; 1/3 male, lifetime. Sexually fluid women and lesbians are in the above female lifetime risk. Children have the highest risk of domestic violence victimization. Mostly by their mothers. If the mainstream DV orgs were genuine, why do they misinform and misrepresent by ONLY publishing women's IPV victimization rates, and erase lesbian victims by making constant calls of action to women's statistical risk by claiming "an epidemic of male violence to women?" Why do they ignore abused children entirely, and claim "most domestic violence is perpetrated by a man" when child abuse IS domestic violence?
A TALE OF INNER VALUE ONE You're in a white, large room filled with desks. You've got your papers tidy and prepared. Your hands are shaking. To your sides, other students, chatting, waiting. In front of you, the professor. Looking at you. Authoritative. It's your turn now. Your big moment. You stand up, carrying your papers, you drop one, no biggie. Awkwardly retrieve it from the floor. Your left knee fails but you grab the chair. It's all good. You walk towards the front of the room. All eyes on you. You feel the world expanding, getting bigger - No. You're shrinking. All energy is being pulled out from you. Sucked out by the vacuum. You can barely breathe. You turn and face the room. For a second you forget your name. How you were going to start this? You pause and breathe. Open your mouth. A black hole. Your words crack in the air. Like an old chair. It's not your voice. Your gaze is dizzy. For a second the space flattens, the colors blur in the air. Cold. Like nothing is real. Like you're in a dream. TWO You're sitting in the park. Trying to forget your problems. You exhale deep and recline. Look around. Then you see her. The most beautiful woman you've ever seen. Young, graceful, smiling, strolling. The grace of someone who's never been through hard times. You see the shine of the light bouncing off her skin. The sweet charm. The playful innocence. Everything that is not you. No longer. You long for that space. You long for the beautiful life you once wanted. You long - for her. Your mind starts prompting. "Go talk to her! Do something! She's going away!" You resist. You know why. You're not ready. Not yet. "She's going away. Dude!" You pull yourself together and tense your legs to prepare to stand up. Then you feel it. The shrink. THREE You're lying in bed. Alone. Relaxed. The last days were not too bad. You're starting to feel - optimistic. You let your thoughts ramble. Relaxing. You start wondering about your earlier plans. What could you do now, that things are better? You load it all in. Remember that big plan. Start solving logistics, tying things up. But something is not right. You feel the space tensing, going darker. You're draining. You're going there again. Sadness is coming. Again. You push it away. Maybe another day. FOUR You're in a large, formless room with nine other people. You carry a number in your chest. Everyone looks around. Something is about to start. An old woman in white walks through the group. Whispers something on each person's ear and keeps going. She stops for a moment with the man next to you. He laughs. Then it's your turn. The woman comes closer to your ear and talks with a raspy voice. You feel her breath and the warmth of her old skin close to your cheek. She says: "There's 10 people in the room. You'll be ranked by your physical appearance. The bottom half will be executed" and walks away. You're alarmed but don't have time to react. The game is starting. A loud buzz fills the space. "Players, check your number" You check the number on your chest. You can't believe it. You have an 8. You're an 8. You didn't think you looked that good. The world distends and gravity leaves your shoulders. Your chest fills with energy. You feel alive. You can't help it but chuckle and look around. You're looking for number 10. Who beat you? then you see the guy next to you. He's got a 3. How? he's not that bad looking. But something is strange. He doesn't seem worried. Before you can talk to him, you get distracted by happy screams on the other side of the group. A guy got the 10. Yes - you can see he's good looking. The buzz comes again. This time with a red light. Speakerphone: "Two players have been disqualified for cheating" Two people come into the room and escort the 10 guy and somebody else out. Buzz. "Players, check your number" You look again and can't believe it. You're a 10 now. You're THE 10. Everything dissolves. You can't feel the floor under your feet. You're levitating. High electricity fills your body. You feel glowing, reaching higher. Like an invisible ceiling is now open. Like a string is pulling your head up into the sky. You can't wait to leave this place and live your life. You're 10. You're a fucking 10. Fuck yes. Then the speakerphone buzzes again. "Players, we've been informed of a change of procedure. Room A and B will be merged. Prepare for merge" A door opens and ten more players enter the room. You see some good looking ones, some with 7 and 10s. You feel disoriented. Buzz. "Players, check your number. Bottom half will be executed" You don't want to look. But you do. You're a 4. You try to hold it but fall on your knees. Screams fill the room. Some desperate. Some screams of joy. That joy was almost yours. Now it's gone. Your world collapses. A dark void is swallowing you. You feel the pull. Your body dismantling. Your bones crunching. You let go into it. It consumes you. Devours you. It's pulling you down. You drop on your knees. It's over. You close your eyes. A few seconds pass. You're contracted. Holding yourself. Waiting for the hit. For the explosion. For the big buzz. For the end. But nothing. Nothing yet. You open your eyes and look around. The guy next to you is standing, straight, relaxed. He's looking at you. Smiling. He's got a 1. A ONE. Nothing makes sense. Why is he not worried? Why is he not panicking? Why is he not afraid?? You: What's GOING ON man. You don't CARE? We're going to get KILLED?!?! He takes a moment. Guy: The old lady bro. She told me. You: The WHAT??!?? He takes another moment. Waiting for you to calm down. Guy: This is a dream. He smiles, and offers his hand. Guy: Get up. -- (Extract from KU/NO Chapter 03 BE THE SILENCE
ARE “EMOTIONAL NEEDS” REAL? Practical Male Solutions for Nebulous Female Angst Few things cause men’s eyes to glaze over like women talking about “emotional needs.” Especially when we’re the primary breadwinners, it sounds like an arbitrary demand for more when we’ve already kept our end of the bargain. Most of us don’t know what this zodiac psychobabble means—besides being something counselors say as they shame men for not thinking, talking, and acting more like women. In the end, it feels like a “get out of jail free” card for any women wanting to leave her husband—“sure, he was a good provider, but he never met my emotional needs.” Men will play high-stakes games, as long as we have the tools and framework to improve and win. But if women truly have all these shifting requirements for us or the marriage will fail, that sounds like a lifetime of stumbling in the dark with concepts foreign to our masculinity. No self-respecting guy wants that. And yet the alternative is that our lovely wives are bat-shit crazy—convinced that they depend on subjective vibes like air or water. Sure women can be hormonal and silly, but none of us want to share life with someone completely untethered from reality. If neither of these options sound good to you, you’re in luck. I’m here to translate this thorny bit of “womanese” into actionable man-speak. Ready? Her “emotional needs” are to be securely anchored in your strong frame. Become a solid man and pull her close. She needs to know that you have a plan (strong frame) and that she’s a non-negotiable part of it (secure anchoring). That’s it. No need to surrender your man card or learn a bunch of therapy lingo. Grasp this simple framework, and all the details snap into place. So how do we do it? STRONG FRAME Women aren’t great guides for how to build strong frame. They are “wine tasters” rather than “wine makers” when it comes to manhood. So they’ll accurately report when the structure fails, rather than give clear instructions on the structure we men need to build. That means we take their feedback as clues, not marching orders. Let’s look at some common “emotional needs” women have around frame: 👉 He stays calm, steady, and constructive when things go wrong. 👉 He takes responsibility for our life and direction instead of drifting. 👉 He addresses problems directly and helps solve them. 👉 He leads without becoming defensive, brittle, or condescending. All of these skills are downstream from becoming a confident man on a mission, who has higher standards for himself than she does for him. This man knows what he wants, sees how he measures up against his own goals, and is caught up in no other agenda. One thing guys often miss here is that their frame includes a family and legacy. If you only geek out about your career and hobbies, you won’t have the kind of ownership that leads to solid family leadership. Seeing home life as “the woman’s domain,” will actually make you devalue her—your house will never be your castle if you don't claim it as part of your vision. However, frame also includes a skill that she’ll never tell you to build but desperately needs you to have: the ability to stand up to her. If you can be swayed by mere pressure into compromising your true convictions, then you will resent being strung along in life. This feeling that you’re a pawn in someone else's game is the source of being “defensive, brittle, and condescending” when challenged or not being “calm, steady, and constructive” in adversity. SECURE ANCHORING This second category is more of what we think about with “emotional needs.” But here’s what many guys miss: all those gentlemanly gestures—opening doors, pulling out the chair, walking on the car side of the sidewalk, getting flowers, writing love notes—are meaningless (and even contemptible) without strength. It’s useless to become closer if she doesn’t want to be close to you. If you’re jumping through hoops or checking boxes, your biggest problem is frame. But, assuming you have a strong foundation in your own character, let’s look at common “emotional needs” women have around anchoring: 👉 He listens and makes me feel genuinely heard. 👉 He’s curious about my inner world—my thoughts, fears, and hopes. 👉 He sees what I contribute and makes me feel wanted. 👉 He doesn’t mock, belittle, or dismiss me or what I care about. 👉 He sees the hot mess I am and believes I’m a superhero. The biggest thing? Pursue her on your own initiative. Don’t get stuck reacting to (or arguing with) her complaints—that’s living in her frame rather than anchoring her in yours. Respond to outbursts from her with curiosity of what’s behind them. Take her feedback into account and devise your own plan that’ll offer a win-win—and then put it into action. Seek out her opinions without feeling constrained by them. Put simply? See her as part of yourself. All the pride, curiosity, and attention to detail a hobbyist shows to the 1973 Porsche 911 Carrera RS he’s spent years restoring should pale in comparison to how much you want to see her shine. That means, like a proud coach, you see her successes as your successes. But it also means you draw her into meaningful responsibility that serves your shared mission—sometimes even asking her to take on tasks and report on them. Then she’ll feel indispensable and secure in you. A FIRST WORLD PROBLEM? Her feeling that she “needs” to feel secure in your frame isn’t a modern luxury belief (only appearing once essentials like food, shelter, and safety are present). No, in the pre-modern world, being attached to a solid man was HOW she knew those other things would happen. If he lacked a strong frame, he’d get crushed by the world. If she lacked secure anchoring, she had no confidence that he’d stick around tomorrow. Her biological firmware doesn’t care about modern abstractions like bank balances and mortgage statements—if she doesn’t FEEL anchored in your frame, she’ll FEEL adrift. Then her femininity will dry up, she’ll adopt a more combative posture toward the world, and love will fade. But if you build a strong frame and pull her securely into it, you’ll find you naturally check the mysterious boxes that other guys find elusive. You will become her ideal. And you’ll do it all while being a man you admire and living the life you want to live.
I think a lot of Muslims have an idealistic, interpretation of Islamic history where strict public morality laws, and legal jurisprudence were upheld at all times, when just a glimpse at Mughal India or Safavid Iran, would make you chuckle at such a thought.
i find it extremely fcked up when you have to ask men “what if she was your sister, daughter or mother” in order to make them see women as valuable human beings
