Kieran Highman

I've bought my 8 year old niece a Cadbury's selection box for Xmas. But I keep scoffing them. Fourth time lucky, perhaps. Actually mightn't bother, she's a ghastly little brat who would benefit from a book token.

Performative parents are the worst; however, when I'm with the dog, it's my duty to let everyone in earshot know that my dog is the bestest good boi and better than your inferior ill trained doggo

My kids share their pain 😅

@fesshole Jez? If not, our neighbour also has a black cat called ginger. Great cat name 😺

We named our cat Ginger, because it's the name our toddler insisted on him having and wouldn't take no for an answer. For a quiet life, we just went with it. Our cat is black. It confuses people, the vet included.

Cocaine Shark Vs Cocaine Bear This movie has to happen!

Page 2 makes some bold accusations and assumptions of both @Keir_Starmer and @reformparty_uk From the local @FiltonBradley @Conservatives @FaBSLabourParty @CHazelgrove @JackLopresti 🧵 2/2

Just got this stuffed through my letterbox in Filton 🧵 1/2

At junior school Jason Charlton's cousin farted 34 times consecutively in the bath. Well, I've just done 38. It's taken me 41 years and I have followed through a little but up yours you creeps.

@MadmusclesPlans Why are they cuddling?! 😂

💪 To get in shape isn’t as hard as it sounds!

Marvin Gaye’s isolated vocal track on “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” recorded in 1967.

@PostsOfCats Well, someone's been playing with AI image generation

"I'm sure you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today"

And @guardian take on this here: theguardian.com/environment/ar…

We keep under-estimating how fast renewable energy grows. And we keep over-estimating how much fossil fuel is being used in the future. Thanks @rethink_x for these graphs!

@paulfp @AlderHey @FullyChargedShw @StopBSCampaign @fairchargeuk @QuentinWillson Maybe there's a softer educating approach to this misunderstanding, rather than exploding in your reaction and costing the NHS staff resources in FOI?

@bristol_citizen And these outnumbered the total votes for the winning candidate

76.1% don't bother! 'The turnout was 23.09% with about 100,000 fewer voters than at the last PCC election in 2021.' bbc.co.uk/news/articles/…

@NoContextBrits The Kinky?

Ruin a British band by changing a single letter in their name. I’ll start:

Used to keep a tally, by gender, of people who thanked me when I gave way to them while driving. Had to stop when the wife got pissed off realising that on average 58% more men said thank you compared to women.

@fesshole Never had a dad, but I do this And ask whether I'm spiky or smooth I'm somewhat barred from facial hair 😝

When I was a child my dad would grab my hand and rub it over his stubbly chin. Now I have kids, I do the same and they laugh their heads off. Makes me feel like I'm actually doing something right when they laugh.

We've published our plans to deliver a smart and secure electricity system, with heat pumps and flexible electric heating tech to be smart as standard from 2026; potentially saving consumers £100s off their energy bills. Respond to the consultation here 👇 gov.uk/government/con…

Wishing you all a blessed Easter, may you enjoy today with loved ones and family! #HappyEaster