Governor Newsom Press Office@GovPressOffice
NOW THAT I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, AM OFFICIALLY PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES (THANK YOU DONALD!), I HAVE MANY BIG ANNOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE! FIRST, EVERY TRUMP EXECUTIVE ORDER IS NULL AND VOID, STEPHEN MILLER AND EVERY TRUMP GOON IS FIRED, AND THE TRUMP CORRUPTION PROBE IS OFFICIALLY LAUNCHED! HEALTH CARE IS NOW FREE FOR ALL AMERICANS (NO MEASLES!) AND ALL MOMS GET FREE CHILDCARE SO WE CAN HAVE MORE BABIES!!! ALSO CANNABIS IS NOW LEGAL AND ABORTION IS BACK FOR WOMEN WHO WANT IT. I WILL SOON BE BANNING ALL TICKETMASTER FEES AND THERE WILL BE NO MORE COMMERCIALS ALLOWED DURING NBA AND NFL GAMES, AS WELL AS ALL BRAVO “REAL HOUSEWIVES” SHOWS (LONGER EPISODES!). EVERY AMERICAN FAMILY NOW GETS A “TARIFF AND GAS SPIKE REFUND” TO BUY A CHEAP ELECTRIC CAR! THE COUNTRY IS NOW RUN BY SOMEONE WHO CAN ACTUALLY COMPLETE A SENTENCE. AMERICA IS NOW “HOT” BECAUSE YOU HAVE A DYSLEXIC PRESIDENT INSTEAD OF A BRAIN-DEAD ONE. BIG UPGRADE!!! — GOVERNOR GCN
